Kodak ESP-3 AiO

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day 7 of 365

Yeah, it’s not going to win me any photographic awards, but I kinda like the dark foreground.  Me and Miss Kit Tern this arvo.

Also today – The Story Of The Printer.  Which Mr Beloved is writing up has written and he tells is much better than I do – I shall just say KNOW YOUR RIGHTS! And don’t buy a Kodak ESP-3 All in One multifunction printer. They suck.

For the purposes of where Mr Beloved originally sent the story, Caity is referred to as The Evil Vicar’s Wife (TEVW) and Mr Beloved is known as The Goat or as The Irreverent Mr Black.

Probably best not to ask why….

It came to pass, in those days, that TEVW did purchase a new printer for her photography and fiddly stuff, and behold, it was made by the Yellow Box Photo Stuff People. Here is its likeness.

(image: http://photography-mag.com)

It printeth not upon the square, and its rectangles were sort-of trapezoids with some curvature. Lo, its suckage was great. TEVW looketh upon the sites and forums, and crieth: “Bugger. Lots of people are having trouble with these. I shall send it back for a refund”.

She calleth upon the Children of Off-Us-Jerks. Verily, they sendeth her on telephone tag round their encampment, even unto the whole goddamn twelve tribes, until her call pitcheth forth at the tent of Tech Guy.

“Alas, O Tech Guy. My printer functioneth not as a printer, but melteth my images as if the demon Salvador Dali tormenteth it. This is a curse upon its kind, as written in the chronicles of the prophet Intarwub, and I wish to get my shekels back.”

The Tech Guy maketh the sound of the Hrumph, and reciteth he from a scroll by the phone, saying: “We refundeth not, nor giveth we credit. No, there are no exceptions to this rule, and we don’t care nyah nyah nyah. We sendeth thy piddly little piece of equipment to its makers beyond the sea and they fixeth it, for no fault attacheth to us and it is all out of our teflon-coated hands, so there.”

TEVW saith, “But surely the Fair Trading Act 1989, Section 40…”

But behold, he cutteth her off, saying that there are no exceptions to policy.

A certain Goat was close by, and heareth the woe of TEVW. He waxed, both wroth and the tips of his straggly moustache.

He strideth to the phone, and dialleth the tribe of Jerks, specifically Off-Us. His tone was as honey, and his pronunciation was as precise as an old-time ABC newsreader, for a very angry Goat must constantly remember to be polite.

“Good morrow, entry-level staffer. I am sorry, but I must speak with a manager, as our last call has been largely disappointing.” (words have been changed for archaic effect, but the tone is similar.)

And in due time, cometh the manager to the telephone.

The Goat, who was Black, recited the Litany Of Crappy Results, and brought the tidings that the tribe of ESP-3 was cursed by the peoples of Forum.

“We expected a printer”, he saith. “A distorter of images was not what we paid for.”

And lo, the Manager beginneth to read from the Scroll Of Store Policy.

Quoth the Goat: “Does the policy override Consumer Law, or is it the other way? Please remind me as I am a very forgetful Goat, and would not like to need to ask the Office Of Fair Trading which was more powerful.”

And behold, the Manager’s eyes were opened. Fucking wide.

And so it was that a refund was issued.

The moral of today’s sermon is to know your consumer rights. How the hell it is, that a store can have a “policy” which encourages staff to flout the law, and can continue to promote such a policy, is a mystery which is not to be unravelled this side of the grave.

(Note: Good service was given at the same store, and many of its staff are great help. It’s the policy that sucks donkey-spheres.)

So there you have it.  Good Triumphed over Evil and they All Lived Happily Ever After. What more could you want from a story?