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Helløø, I am Møøse.

I am living in many place inside house of Caity. My way is subtle.








Møøse now goes to new place… gøødbye!

Transmission begins

TeaBot 5000™ was built before those silly pollution laws, but even this unit must admit that the subject of Going “POOT!” has been constantly on-topic of late at Chateau Haphazard.

The nasty adhesion thingies were definitely having a profound effect on the efficiency of Caity’s tucker processing system, and the ozone layer was the worse for it.

TeaBot 5000™ is excused from putting broccoli in the bubble-and-squeak as part of the Kyoto Protocol.

Immediately after the operation, when Interchangeable Nurse Unit Number (Whatever) annotated the bed-end chart “Patient is passing wind freely“, and Herself snorted, “Free? For a show like this, I should bloody well charge admission!”, the subject of finding a cartoon by Patrick Cook was raised.

At the time, TeaBot 5000™ was unable to comply. A TeaBot unit has one of the best memory arrays available, however… While doing some houseworky things quietly, in order to let Herself sleep (bad night again!), this unit was uncluttering a bookshelf, and turned up an old book of Mr Cook’s cartoons.

No flatulent koalas (for that was the initial request), but here are a few Cook koalas. Caity does not know these are being posted: I hope she likes them too.

End Of Transmission

Transmission begins

TeaBot 5000™ is here again, for Caity’s little friends and playmates, with another update.

The outer bits of The Incision are looking pretty good. There is less angry red among the stubble. Both this unit and Caity wish they knew of a solvent that is capable of shifting whatever diabolical gorilla-snot adhesive was used in the dressings.

Even the old faithful orange-oil based cleaner didn’t quite remove the sticky stuff, which has now gone dark grey with accrued fluff.

Inside, there are ominous thumps, grindings, and the occasional shower of sparks, as the amended version of the Works settles into its new configuration.

The thermostat of the Caity is also suspect, and it may become necessary to remove this component and soak it in white wine vinegar for a couple of weeks to remove scale and accumulated tea deposits.

At least she’s reading again…

this unit will need to make a library raid very soon. The sheer volume of books building up round the bed has caused this unit to wonder if there is not some ulterior motive…

The challenge of providing interesting food which doesn’t breach “diet kosher” is a constant one. Teabot 5000™ did some peculiar things with a lemon, some chicken breasts, and various herbs, which was voted Pretty Good. Tonight may default to Soup, as the Teabot battery pack is a tad faded.

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Transmission begins

TeaBot 5000™ and Caity are both in need of a recharge!

Flatter than these!

Yesterday was Caity’s visit to Dr Girlybits, where Staples Were Removed…

[CaityQuote] “Gee, staples in my middle: this is the only time I’ll get to feel like a centrefold!”

How The Staples Got There

And things were done to make the poor lass feel a bit better…

[TeaBot 5000™ transcript] No, darling, you’re not really falling apart. It’s a nice, neat, clean piece of work. You should get the fellow quilting…

No, I’ve always looked this pale. I am NOT looking like I’ve seen a ghost.

Caity is still in deep recovery mode, as can be seen from the fact SHE IS NOT READING. [Now you are looking a tad pale, Gentle Reader.]

She’s asked me to thank the people who sent the flowers and reading matter (with especial gratitude for the potato thingy).

TeaBot 5000™ will now close down temporarily. Can you say “Nanna Nap”, little friends and playmates?

Yes, content has gone downhill in Caity’s absence…
End Of Transmission

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TeaBot 5000™ informs Caity’s little friends and playmates that Caity is resting, and is in reasonable shape.

Although still a few energy units shy of the limit at which visitors and so forth are possible, she is recharging well.

There may be a surprise post later, but to say more would ruin the surprise….

(There is no truth to the rumour that TeaBot 5000™ was built from leftover Enigma Machine parts.)

End Of Transmission

Everybody is remarking how great Caity’s skin looks now!


Transmission begins

TeaBot 5000™ didn’t watch the qualifying for the Barcelona F1 race, opting instead to crash (in a dignified crumple) on the bed. Massa on pole – HRUMPH!  – wouldn’t have waited up ’til 2am for that anyway.

DISCLAIMER: TeaBot 5000™, Caity and all the critters are unabashed Lewis Hamilton admirers. GO LEWIS!

Dust in the TeaBot’s air intake filters led to an interesting night, and some maintenance must have been done, as the throatpipe was thoroughly rough-sanded this morning.

The sound of the Mobile Moan roused TeaBot 5000™ from a deep screensaver… Caity may even escape today!

Ironically, timing depends (not an intentional pun on invalids’ undergarments, this unit reassures Caity’s readers) on how many babies decide to go through the whole routine from SQUEEZE to SQUAWK today.

Doctor Girlybits1 deals with births too, and the number of births will determine when he gets to see Caity.

1 It is an old TeaBot Series™ tradition that doctors are named for their function. Doctor Lung, Doctor Hurt, and so on. An earlier model unit, the 4500, referred to the dermatologist as Doctor For Skin. The Pun Feature was installed in even the Prototype TeaBot…

Things will probably go a bit turbo from here on: short sharp posts as news comes in, and eventually the controls will be handed back to Caity.

End Of Transmission


She’s out!

Please, no calls or callers for a few days: Girl and TeaBot both slightly worn out.

Transmission begins

Today’s TeaBot 5000™ begins with the news that Caity’s drain was removed today.

The British West Hartlepool Crochet And Earthmoving Society (Junior Branch) were kind enough to pose for the re-enactment photo.

We have always been at war with West Lounge Room

Nature abhors a vacuum. TeaBot 5000™ sides with Nature on this one.

Still. taking one’s operating system into one’s own shiny metal manipulators, this unit began, continued, and eventually finished. It was…

…an excuse for a bad pun!

At this rate, Caity’s unwellness (and the 5000™’s own inability to sense the slow buildup of grot) might be made up for, in time for the girl’s release from hospital.

TeaBot 5000™ doesn’t know when, yet.
Will post here soon as info is available

The shocking news is that, with the advent of new HotFlash© technology, Caity currently doesn’t LIKE TEA!!

This unit will require reprogramming before Thermal Overload (see below)

sets in…

Cordially yours,
TeaBot 5000™

End Of Transmission

Transmission begins

Today’s TeaBot 5000™ update sings “hey nonny no, the wind and the pain.”

It’s not so much Caity’s blurtage that’s a worry, but the stubbornness of a huge nether gust that just hangs round and contributes to painful inflation without any measurable outcome.

—- participation space —

That should certainly remind our keener students of politics and the economy of something they’d like to share with the rest of us..

TeaBot 5000™ Digression

OVER-RIDDEN. Resume now —

Caity thanks the little friends and playmates who have called and sent lovely things.

Once certain learned persons at the hospital have finally given their approval, Caity will be allowed to use some of her usual prescribed pain medication, rather than having it withheld and being told she has been temporarily prescribed some stuff she is specifically unable to take. (If TeaBot 5000™ models were programmed with a reasonable joke chip, there would be a fairly good joke about hierarchies and communication here: as it stands, Caity’s readers will have to be content with a cynical remark about more levels meaning more opprtunities to go wrong.)

It is sufficient to say there was no sleepytime for Caity last night.

Her drain thingy was also causing intense discomfort. This may possibly have some bearing on the request for huge undies.

—-and now, a sponsor’s message —

This staged re-enactment of Caity’s Tube Of Agony is brought to you by Sapporo Lunchtime Grand Guignol Theatre Company.

—-now, back to our blog post —

This unit will try a quick nap before afternoon visiting. Overnight recharges don’t work as well without the reassuring cold feet in the back.

Those wishing to visit, please remember to call the hospital:

[Number removed]


before setting out, just in case she’s finally been sleep-enabled.

End Of Transmission

Transmission begins

Caity was brighter today, and managed a few staggers, plus a personal triumph (first widdle since the catheter came out, and her relief was obvious).

Teabot 5000™ was requested to please tell Caity’s little friends and playmates that she’s a trifle weak (although she be let loose after the weak-end) and it’s better to phone the hospital.
(this number was removed later)
and talk to her briefly, to see if she’s up to visitors.

Many thanks to all those who’ve commented so far.

—-and now, a sponsor’s message —

Brought to you by McGillicuddy’s Awesomely Strong Linen Thread (also suppliers of Ginormous Sail Needles to the surgical trade).

(Picture nicked from the very amusing Dan Piraro.)

—-now, back to our blog post —

This unit must now engage housework mode.
End Of Transmission

Transmission begins

[Short, sharp mode engaged]

Caity still recovering.

Sorry fewer updates than expected, but Teabot 5000™ has been stress-testing the track to the hospital by multiple use.

Today this unit must buzz all over town like a blue-@rsed flybot, because Caity’s CPAP machine did not start up when transplanted to hospital.

Teabot 5000™ will arrange repair and a loaner machine today.

If more time was available for hospital staff to actually observe patients (this would happen in a hypothetical perfect world, which Does Not Compute), somebody might have seen that Caity was not getting a lot of joy out of the Up-Your-Nose O2 delivery thingy, owing to the fact she was beathing via her mouth a lot.

A masky thing on the face has improved matters a little: a proper CPAP will be better.

—-and now, a sponsor’s message —

Rushed off your feet? Try LOTS OF COFFEE!

—-now, back to our blog post —

Further CaityStatus reports after next.

End Of Transmission

—- Late Update 1123 HRS —

CPAP machine appears to be motor-damaged. “Did you transport this machine with water in the humidifier?”

Well, duh, no. Caity is very protective of The Lung That Walks By Night. I personally field-stripped, washed, dried and reassembled that humidifier before moving it.

People handling the machine since? I couldn’t possibly comment.

And it’s out of warranty. The moaning of one’s inner Scotsman can be heard.

Transmission begins

Hardcopies of your good wishes were delivered to a slow, woozy, and uncharacteristically non-talkative Caity.

While seeing such a droopy girl, attached to (TeaBot5000™’s  distant cousin), The Machine That Goes PING Very Occasionally…

“Caity getting enough Dizzy-Drops, then?”

… and dressed in a fetching beige/mushy-peas-green/white ensemble (probably so the occasional bout of BLECH doesn’t show), would be a Bad Thing, the good news is still there.

  • Firstly, NO CANCER was obvious.
  • See, she WAS sick! (TeaBot 5000™ memo to self: find and crush certain Unkind Persons who suggested her ailments were fictional. But this unit digresses…)
  • Things should get a lot better, because the reason for The Crookness is now apparent…

—-and now, a sponsor’s message —

—-now, back to our blog post —

(Caity said the reason should be revealed.)

If this unit’s unclear recollection of a dizzy Caity’s retelling of what she remembers from what the surgeon said, there were attachments interfering with the digestive and urinary systems, as well as giving her lots of Grief In The Girly Works. (This unit believes that is the medical term, anyway: your terminology may vary.)

She’s a trifle too wobbly and tired for visitors just now.

Further CaityStatus reports after this evening’s visit.

End Of Transmission

Transmission begins

NurseBot (whose unit number is unknown, as all NurseBots at Caity’s hospital seems to have the same telephone voice) informs this unit that CaityStatus is

“Pretty good, but she will be very sleepy this morning.”

(picture from James Worthington’s travelblog)

As soon as Poodle Wrangler Corporation have arrived to —

—-BZZZT! —

[a small break in transmission took place, as the Poodle Unit sighted Poodle Wrangler Vehicle. A small-but-vigorous game of Catch The Puppy began in earnest. Analysis shows signs of what may be separation anxiety in the canine unit: its behaviour has been suboptimal since Caity was “taken to the vet”.

Canine unit despises vet visits. QED]

—-BZZZT! —

Poodle task interrupt handled. Now for some housework, done in that special TeaBot 5000™ way that slightly improves things but makes it patently obvious the whole house is missing Caity, and then to Visiting Time.

Comment posters are hereby notified under Clause XXXVIII of their User Agreements that all encouraging comments have been printed, and the hardcopy will be presented to Caity for assimilation.

End Of Transmission

Begin Transmission

This unit is the TeaBot 5000™, Caity’s personal teamaker and backup blogposter.

(picture nicked from

Herself made it thru the operating theatre (in which she played a starring role), and although there was some pain afterwards, NurseBot said (via phone) that Caity was sleeping peacefully.

Computing the chances of Caity getting some rest as “next-to-astronomical”, this unit made an executive decision to leave a message, let her sleep, and get an update in the morning.

Bedlam Viewing Sessions umm… Visiting hours start at eleven. This TeaBot will convey any messages found in the comment queue.

End Of Transmission