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We are total Eurovision tragics in this house. Every year we invent drinking games (Which we don’t actually drink to, it’s symbolic, fewer calories that way!) try to predict The Dress Trend (so far: backup singers in WHITE. Boring!) and get wildly enthused for some obscure country (AZERBAIJAN! You ROCK!!! Devils! Angel boys with an almost castrati soprano voice! Devils transforming into Angels! OMG!!!)

We got to watch the first semi-final tonight (we have been on a Eurovision news BLACKOUT since the actual event on Tuesday) and I must say -I never knew Poland produced so many plastics. I don’t believe there is a single natural element left in their contestant:

(Trust me, those teeth were SCARY when she sang…)

Greece sent their usual Britney-esque bubbly performer (Britney before the drugs and shaved head, obviously); Belgium YET AGAIN sent a group wth an entirely made up language; political voting was in evidence even at this early stage (was there anyone who doubted Boznia Herzogovina would get in ?) and Ireland and Estonia sent joke acts.

Thrillingly – Finland are in the finals again with another hard rock act (minus Lordi’s rubber prosthetics this year) – pure 1980s long-haired bare-chested pleather-panted ROCK GODS!!

Bring on Semi Final TWO!!!