Mental Health

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Whew! Stress… and a late afternoon thrill

August 6, 2009 in Birdwatching, Home and Garden, Inspiration, Mental Health, birds by Caitlin | 3 comments

At long last – yesterday was THE DAY for the solar hot water installation!  We’ve had the unit and various boxes for SIX WEEKS but because of bad weather and then we were sick and then the installer was sick – well, it was THE DAY.  Things didn’t start all that well – the Blokes arrived (having driven up from Brisbane) a bit after nine and discovered straight away that VITAL COMPONENTS WERE MISSING.  Oh noes!

Boss Bloke got on the phone to the supplier.  Did I mention the AGONY we had already gone through getting anything done with the supplier?  Because our solar electricity panels were part of a government pilot program, we were assigned to a supplier who had won the government tender.  Had we but known…

The supplier has been just AWFUL to deal with.  At one point they even sent OUR information to another customer in Toowoomba (!!) and we received yet ANOTHER customer’s personal details – bad enough, right?  But add in the phone calls never returned, the forms not sent, yada yada yada… Anyway, we had already ordered the solar hot water system at the same time (last NOVEMBER, can you believe it?!) as the solar electricity, well before we knew what a stuff up they would make of everything.

So we’ve got Offsider Bloke getting down to things and removing the old hot water heater (which we then discovered had been leaking for quite some time..) and removing Lino of Renovations Past and (aha!) mouldy newspapers from 1976.  Which means our hot water heater was 33 years old – no WONDER it was getting sicker and sicker! They have a mean time to failure of about TEN years!

bathroom floor

(Floor is actually still pretty solid – looks worse than it is, and needs a good drying out)

Outside, Boss Bloke is ranting (quite justifiably) at the supplier saying “Vital Parts… you do this to other tradies but you don’t bloody well do it to ME… get it HERE!” and being told that the part was leaving on a courier RIGHT THEN.  (Which turned out to be a LIE on the part of the supplier – what a surprise, eh?)

Long story short – even after spending an hour for lunch and driving round various stores in Toowoomba, the tradies couldn’t get a replacement part.  Obviously made of pure unobtainium, that bit. More angry phone calls, drama, etc… and tradies standing around doing NOTHING  – which as you know, costs $$$.

I phoned the CEO of the supplier and had a rant. The courier still not here – a 90 minute trip had so far taken 6 hours, if we were to believe the supplier. Roadworks? Sure, there are roadworks on the Warrego Highway, but SIX HOURS? I DON’ THINK SO!!

Offsider Bloke is getting increasingly surly as the afternoon wears on… Boss Bloke is fuming but still chatting amicably some of the time… both Mr Beloved and I are EXHAUSTED from dealing with people in our space (and demanding people at that) all day… and at close to 5 pm the courier arrives!!!  YAY!!!

Eventually we get the paperwork sorted, I’m out of pocket a HEAP extra (well, actually, Mum and Dad are in the long run, since they have kindly and generously offered to fund the solar hot water, *mwah* Mum and Dad!) that I am going after the Supplier for.  The invoice from the installer notes that the extra impost is Due to delays caused by non-supply of parts, as discussed with CEO of Supplier.

Boss Bloke and Offsider Bloke finally get away at almost 6 pm.  Mr Beloved and I manage to eat something (hooray for about to be out-of-date filled pasta on sale at the supermarket!) and end up in bed by 7:30 pm. (although Mr B gets up and does his computer and online stuff, which is Good For Him.)

At this point, I am VERY glad that Supplier is so stupid about record keeping and paperwork – you see, THEY HAVE YET TO BILL US FOR THE SOLAR HOT WATER UNIT.  Which means that WE have the winning hand – and if we have to take them to small claims court it will still be worth our while.  Because as I said to the CEO – I can’t afford to have had tradies standing around doing nothing . So he’s bloody well gonna wear that charge.

solar panels

[See the solar panels? The one on the lower part of the roof is the new solar hot water one.  As you can see, it's quite overcast today, so it will be interesting to see how much hot water we get.  Fortunately the hot water heater also has an electric element and a pump, so we ALWAYS should have hot water...]

what bird

The late afternoon thrill was my very first sighting and identification (thanks to our venerable 1963 edition of Mr Cayley’s What Bird Is That?)of red browed finches in our yard!!  I was lying in bed this morning just replaying the excitement when I realised I suddenly GOT IT – the thing that mad twitchers (birdwatchers) are about.  I’m hoping that today I might be able to get a photo, you really have to see the RED on these teeny birds, and the way they are totally fearless about hopping around in front of you!  (And I think I might have to treat myself to an updated bird book – this one tells me that the Latin name is Ægintha temporalis, but it’s now called Neochmia Temporalis.)

And this morning I also heard the wonderful “mooopmoopmoopmooop” call of the Tawny Frogmouth.  Ahhh! Birdy bliss!

Well, It’s now 10 am, I better get my day started… before I go, here’s some other birdy news: our cockatiel hen, Bolly, is spending all her time in the nesting box, sitting on at least two eggs! She has yet to actually get eggs to hatch (although the last lot did appear to have chick embryos well formed before she gave up on them) but this could be the year we get baby birds…

Almost a Bad Thing

July 30, 2009 in Health, Home and Garden, Mental Health by Caitlin | 1 comment

In a flu-dazed moment the other night…

glue

[clicky for biggy, do I have to keep saying this?]

Luckily once I’d got the top off I realised the tube I had in my hand was TOO BIG to be the lip balm.

Am I the only one to have these sort of near misses? (Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?…)

I am getting better, slowly.  Yet again the solar hot water installer declined to come near the obviously germ-ridden House of the Beloveds.  Grumph.  Next week, we hope.  I had to cancel another specialist appointment because I didn’t want to sit about in a waiting room full of people even more vulnerable to this wretched flu than I was.

Time for my next cuppa tea (It’s important to get fluids in, right?!)

Urrgh. And a post about noise.

July 23, 2009 in Caity is Unwell, Health, Memes rants and silliness, Mental Health, The Neighbours, noise by Caitlin | 9 comments

Well, today was the first day I haven’t actually felt WORSE than the day before. Yay?

For all that, it was still Another Bed Day.  *sigh* And our solar hot water didn’t get installed yesterday because – THE PLUMBER WAS SICK! We’ve rescheduled for next Wednesday, just gotta hope that the weather doesn’t work against us.

Ricë wrote a post today about the intrusiveness of muzak.  I started a rant in reply in my comment on her post, but here’s some more rant:

I’ve been rabbiting on at various In Real Life friends about the new growth industry (no, Dustin, it’s not PLASTICS) – it’s audiology.  Seriously, every time I go to the shops there seems to be a new one offering hearing tests and ever smaller hearing aids.  I think Toowoomba is up to about 20, for a population of 90,000.  And do you know why?

I’LL TELL YOU WHY.

It’s because almost nobody can stand SILENCE any more. When and how did we become a culture that feels the need to be constantly immersed in man made sound?  Waiting rooms are drenched in either overly loud muzak or blaring televisions.  Supermarkets and shopping centres play their identifying jingles over and over and over.  We get in cars and immediately turn on the radio or a CD.  Those ubiquitous white dangly cords drape from ears to iPods, cocooning each wearer in their own world of individualised sound.

Our house is near the local railway yards, and surrounded by train tracks.  We expect a certain amount of noise each day from the coal trains and maintenance vehicles, and most nights we can hear the chiropractic clunks and crashes of carriages being shunted. Some of the train drivers are artists, echoing the horn of their diesel engine around the valley as they pass by the yards.

On clear  nights I can hear the “ping… Ping… Ping… pokpokpokpokpokpokpok” of the traffic signals over 150 metres away across the creek.  Some nights we are visited by the local owl (mo POKE! mo POKE!) and some nights the plovers scream from the vacant, weedy blocks.

Some nights we are woken by domestic quarrels; by neighbours who think that chopping wood after midnight is a perfectly reasonable thing to do; by dog fights, screeching engines and tyres sliding on the bitumen.  Or the ever-so-charming individual who believes that by renting a nearby industrial unit he has the right to super-amplified music at any time day or night.  I don’t think in the 5 years I’ve lived here there has been a single night without hearing at least one set of emergency service vehicles dopplering by on one of the main roads.

Oh, and I mustn’t forget to mention Bung Lung – one of the new neighbours who, although appearing to be in his mid 20s, has the emphysemal lungs and bronchial function of a 50 a day pensioner.  (We’ve started referring to their household as The Brueghels – because they’re phlegmish. (groan!)  Nothing like hearing a lugey hawked up outside your window at 3am to jolt you out of a dream. (The cigarette stench is a subject for another post…)

All of those are noises which are beyond my control.  When I can choose my audio surroundings, more often than not I’ll choose silence. Because it’s rare and I enjoy it.  I have quite enough trouble fighting with my head to get anything done, without inviting more noise in.

I’ll listen to Radio National, if there’s something good on.  My CD collection is almost exclusively female singers (loving the new Lily Allen album, and I never get tired of Kirsty MacColl)but I really only listen to music if I’m sewing or at the gym.

But Mr Beloved lives in a music centred world.  Where I find it VERY difficult to process two audio signals at once (especially if one of them is voice), he thrives on audio complexity.  (Not suprisingly, he’s a long time fan of Brian Eno.) I can’t read if there is competing audio – my brain just gets frustrated.  My Dad  can listen to radio, watch TV, AND read the newspaper all at once – I have no idea how he does it and even THINKING about it makes me feel quite ill.

My ideal world would have a soundproof room, possibly with squishy walls, and maybe a coat with arms long enough to actually fit me…

And now I’m off to take my medications.  Night!

Slide down the ladder….no wait, that’s not right!

July 2, 2009 in Health, Mental Health, TMJ, Things Caity Doesn't Like, dental phobia, dentist by Caitlin | 3 comments

Sometimes I like to think of my life as a giant game of snakes and ladders. No particular reason… but dentists definitely qualify as “snakes”, and they knock me back several squares every time.
29178-large
Last week, I went to the dentist for my 6 month check up and clean. She found a CAVITY. *shudder*
spelunkers
So I made an appointment for Wednesday this week, and went home feeling pretty ok.

Until yesterday morning… when the tooth in question started feeling like it was about to explode. Owie. Didn’t help that my recurrent sinus infection was playing up…
A quick discussion before she starts on whether I should have white or amalgam fillings, The amalgam ones last twice as long as the less visible kind, so I opt for the metal, and she numbs me up. (Oooh boy was I numb! The appointment was at 2, it took ’til 7pm before I could feel the left side of my face properly!)

Drill, drill, whirr, whirrrrr grrrrrRRRRRRRiiiiinnd, drill drilll…
“OH.” She says. “The hole has spread to the adjoining surface. We might as well do that one today too, hmmm?”
“Mmmwrffgggl”, says the quivering wreck of Caity. (Did I mention that I’m not good at Dentists? No?! Well, I’m NOT. I didn’t go to the dentists for FIFTEEN YEARS and then I had to go every fortnight for most of a year. Hence the now religious 6 monthly appointments.)

(My Canberra Dentist, the wonderful Jo Newton, used to sing the Dentist’s Song from Little Shop of Horrors to me. She also had the Larson cartoon below next to the chair. I’m not sure if dentistry requires a certain sense of black humour to begin with or if you develop one as a result of spending your days looking at people’s teeth!)

I blame my dental phobias on childhood dental trauma (doesn’t everyone?) Imagine, if you will, that it is 1972, in a small town in rural New South Wales, and wee Caity is 4 years old. And there’s a GREAT BIG HULKING DENTIST with smoke stained fingers (this was waaaaaaay before gloves, let alone the anti-smoking movement!) like swollen sausages, trying to shove his fingers in my mouth. Without my permission. And then pulling out my teeth, because my teeth were too big for my mouth.

Oh shut up, I do so TOO have a small mouth.

Not Actually Me, But You Get The Idea

Not Actually Me, But You Get The Idea

Then we skip through time (insert wavery dream sequence thingy here if you’re so inclined) to my early thirties, where my sins are starting to catch up with me. A series of root canals, another tooth pulled, (which is when I had my appointment times restricted to “Last of the day ONLY” so I didn’t scare off the other patients) and then The Big Mistake: getting my wisdom teeth out in the chair. If you ever have to get wisdom teeth out DO IT IN HOSPITAL. The Temperomandibular Joint Disorder (TMJ) problems from those 4 teeth lasted years. YEARS!!

Of course, I already had TMJ issues as a result of my first husband’s propensity to connect his fist rather solidly with my jaw whenever he got really drunk, and add the fact that I grind my teeth when I sleep … well, each visit to the dentist tends to leave me rather. bloody. miserable.
Farside

Finally I hear the best words possible: “You can Rinse out now”. YAY! I didn’t scream, not even once! (I also doubt I could recognise my dentist out of her rooms, sine I keep my eyes scrunched up for as much of the whole procedure as possible.) The Health Fund only paid about a third of the cost.

At least I didn’t grind my teeth last night – I know I didn’t because I didn’t sleep. My face still feels like I’ve been stomped on by a soccer player, and I’ve taken every combination of painkillers I’m allowed to have, up to and including Lindt 85% Cocoa chocolate. Think I’ll just head back to bed and moan some more for a while…

My Magic Sewing Book; SE QLD PRDU Day!

June 28, 2009 in Friends, Girl's night out, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects, PRDU, Sewing, Sewing patterns, things Caity is making by Caitlin | 2 comments

WELL! Yesterday Sue and I ventured down the hill and into the big smoke – and right out of the big smoke again to the faaaaaaaaaar side of BrisVegas. We met up with a bunch of the girls from the Pattern Review Down Under message board – frustratingly, my camera didn’t work, so I can’t show you a picture!!

We started at East Coast Fabrics at Lawnton. A few of us HAD to buy this fabric:
floral
It’s cotton, a good weight for a coat or a skirt, and was only $5.95 a metre!! (That’s my Magic Pattern Book on it for scale – the book is A5, which is 5.8 X 8.3 inches. More on the Magic Pattern Book soon.) I’m thinking it will become either this coat
106(#106 from Burda WOF 4/09 – because I have been in LOVE with this pattern wince I first saw it; and even more so when I saw Anne’s gorgeous floral version!

The other possible pattern is this “Hortensia” coat from Ottobre Spring/Summer 09.
Ottobre Hortensia

We then managed to get lost (It was the Magic Talking Lady’s fault! She kept blanking out her little screen map and tsking at us: “RE-Calc-u-lating!”) and find our way again to Indooroopilly shops, where we had lunch, and a shop at Sckaff’s Fabrics. I was VERY GOOD and though tempted (mostly by their hats!) I didn’t buy anything there – this time!

We were reluctant to say goodbye to the PRDU girls, but were late getting on the road already. Still, we figured a quick stop at Gardam’s (just around the corner from the Indooroopilly shops, after all!) was in order. Sue managed to find exactly what she’d been looking for; and I grabbed this 95% poly/ 5% wool tweedy/herringbone fabric to make a skirt.
poly wool

The trip home was looooooooong! It took us ages to get anywhere – major roadworks combined with the first night of the school holidays left us with plenty of time to put on a CD of ’80s favourites and bop along… two forty-somethings singing “my job is very boring I’m an OFFICE CLERK!” with great gusto, and “air drumming” along with Adam Ant… it passed the time, anyway!

We’d already booked for a girl’s night out with friends from the gym, but I was soooo tired I left early. I did manage to get a leeeetle bit squiffy and attempt to teach my favourite drunk tongue-twisters to a couple of the girls!

Bed day today. If it’s not drizzly tomorrow I hope to get my new fabric washed and the patterns traced – because I neeeeeed a floral coat, don’t you think?!

Total (lack of) Recall

May 27, 2009 in Friends, Health, Mental Health, memory loss by Caitlin | 5 comments

My memory is going.  Or rather, parts of it have already gone.  Anyone who knows me In Real Life will have already noticed the phenomenon – and I suspect, Dear Reader, I may have bored you with the same story more than once, too.  But I can’t remember.

My long term memory still seems to be mostly okay.  My short term memory is… ummm, what was I saying again?  And I feel like the transition between short term and long term memory just isn’t happening very effectively.

I don’t know if the loss is due to general anaesthetics (four in one year is NOT a good thing) – I asked my darling SIL (a super smart nurse, now cardio sonographer and probably going back for yet more study) about it and she said there is certainly a lot of anecdotal evidence for the link, but hadn’t read any peer reviewed studies about it.

(I also have to fight any tendency to think “Well this is it, the brain tumor”…. because there is NO evidence that my sister’s illness and death were caused by anything but a random rogue cell gone berserk. Still, I worry…)

Of course, there’s always the “major depressive disorder” diagnosis to account for memory loss as well.

Internet induced hypochondria is always a fun game to play.  I love this list of “some of the earliest signs and symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease” from the Mayo Clinic: (My typical responses in this funny green colour)

  • Asking the same questions repeatedly (What are we having for dinner? Was there any mail today? Did you go to the shops already?)
  • Difficulty remembering common words when speaking (You KNOW, the WHOSAMATHINGER!!  The WHATSIT!! THE DOOVERLACKEY!! Damnit, what’s it called? Oh yeah – the CAR.)
  • Mixing words up — saying “bed” instead of “table,” for example (I’ll just put this on the trouser, then, shall I? And mop the kitchen …. thingummyjig.)
  • Being unable to complete familiar tasks, such as following a recipe (Muffins need FLOUR? Oops!)
  • Misplacing items in inappropriate places, such as putting a wallet in the refrigerator (Isn’t that the first place everyone looks?)
  • Getting lost while driving on familiar streets (La la la I’m sticking my fingers in my ears, I only had to drive around the big block once…)
  • Undergoing sudden changes in mood or behavior for no apparent reason (I’M NOT GRUMPY! Oh. Is there any tea left in the pot then?“)
  • Becoming less able to follow directions (”No, truly, the sewing pattern companies JUST DON’T MAKE SENSE.  And I’ve ALWAYS been left/right dyslexic. That’s not new. Hang on, this says do WHAT?)

alz-signI finally  – FINALLY!! After months of trying to remember – got a friend’s surname last night at about 2 am. The annoying thing was that his surname is also his nickname (as is the way with many Aussie nicknames – shorten and add an “ee” or an “oh”) and it was just… GONE from my memory.  I could see his face, hear his voice, remember his first name – but the surname? Nope.  I even sent an email to my Mum back on April 14: “What was the surname of S, that Nif used to share a house with?” – and that was a last resort, after wracking my brain for weeks.  ARRRGH!! (she didn’t know either.  But I’ve stayed at his house, had him stay at mine, written letters back and forth, etc!)

I recently bought a book that we already owned – a Bad Thing when our book buying is so limited – because I didn’t remember it AT ALL.  And I used to be the one that people were awed by, since I could remember whole slabs of reading.   I could cite names and arguments for academic debates and essays.  Now I get to re-read books over and over – because the plots and characters disappear between one reading and the next

There are patterns and fabrics in my sewing stash that I have absolutely no recall of buying.

And I often get things wrong because I JUST DON’T REMEMBER.  And sometimes my mind tries to fill in the blanks anyway – which means that sometimes my version of events is significantly different from what others remember.  I know that happens anyway – no one’s perception of events is the same as anyone else’s, right? I mean, we can’t even be sure that we’re all seeing the same colour when we label something as “red”.  Let alone more subjective and emotionally coloured experiences.

Old age? Sleep deprivation? Drug interaction? Just plain getting DUMBER? I don’t know.

Or maybe I just don’t remember. Am I alone in all this? And why am I writing this anyway? Who are you, I’ve never seen you before in my life!!

More on memory in another post…

(and now, I must go and play with the poor neglected Pfaff machine that only gets dragged out for classes or when the Goddess Pfaffalina is busy embroidering.  Got a class to go to with Sue tomorrow and I need to remember how to sew on the baby Pfaff!)

Blah.

May 25, 2009 in Health, Home and Garden, Mental Health, Vanity, Weight Loss by Caitlin | 1 comment

Apologies for my silence, Dear Reader.  I have been ill.  *sigh* Again.

The tummy pain is back with a vengeance… almost to pre-surgery levels.  It’s stopping me from doing things.  I hate that.

I haven’t been to the gym in WEEKS.  I haven’t trained, haven’t done weights, haven’t been to a SINGLE class.  Ugh.  And you know what? Not only do I feel awful, my skin has gone really ratty too.  Who knew that even my SKIN was benefiting from exercise? I know it makes sense, skin being the largest organ, etc, but sheesh!

(Fortunately when I was at the GPs today to get a coupla new scripts and a referral to Yet Another Expensive Doctor, I jumped on the scales: 98 kg.  I honestly thought that I would have been back over the 100kg mark, what with not worrying about calories AT ALL while I was away, and not going to work out. )

I have done no sewing.  Not even tracing patterns.  Or finishing off a dress that only needs armhole and neck bindings and a hem to make it wearable.

I have managed a small amount of house cleaning, though.  I get tired of living in my mess every so often and then tend to overdo things (does that sound familiar to anyone else?) so I’m limiting myself to half an hour a day of solid housework.

Mr Beloved, Constance J. Woodle, Miss Kit Tern and the birdies are all well, if slightly bored by my constant whining about my tummy hurting.

We watched a documentary yesterday about guitars (Mr Beloved is a talented muso, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned that? All self taught, and very fond of experimental music and mucking about on guitars) and he said:”Do you think I would be less depressed if I played more often?”

Um.

Do you think *I* would be less depressed if I actually sewed/made art more often?

Um.

It’s all about balance, isn’t it?

balancing act...

balancing act...

I am a big fat WUSS.

April 17, 2009 in Family, Mental Health by Caitlin | 8 comments

I couldn’t do it.  I just couldn’t make myself go to the 18 year old’s funeral.

Excuses included: my bones ache; I’m too exhausted; it’s about to rain (and the church is never going to fit in all the people who will attend); and the ever popular tantrum cry of “I DON’T WANNA.”

The real reasons I didn’t go include: the last funeral I attended was my sister’s.  And somehow, I’m still not ready to see someone else’s siblings and parents grieving.

Also, I’m a wuss.  When his parents asked everyone to “Please wear bright colours to celebrate his life” I had to fight back tears and a ginormous lump in my throat.

I’ll send a card, but I just couldn’t do the funeral.  Does that make a selfish bitch?

Migraine

March 25, 2009 in Health, Mental Health by Caitlin | 4 comments

BOOOOOOOOOOPH!

BOOPH! BOOOOOPH!

BOOOPH!

What’s that, you ask?

It is the sound of bubbles in a glass of soda water – when I have a migraine.  Yep, I get the full-on deal – pain and weakness down one side of my body, sometimes loss of vision in one eye, nausea, and extreme sound and light sensitivity.

Why thank you, Jeeves!

Why thank you, Jeeves! Silenced soda, just as I ordered!

Of course, today was the day the  neighbourhood’s neglected dogs decided to sit a foot away from each other across the fence and see who could make the most annoying barking noise for the longest.

I think the migraine started last night – I suspect that one of the fluoro lights in the gym group fitness room,was doing that ever so subtle flick-flick-flicker-flick thing that they do before they fail – I know that sort of flickering is a trigger for my migraines.  Especially if I’m tired to begin with.

So I’m heading back to bed, having been upright for a grand total of maybe 2 hours today.  Bleagh.

Also, humph.

Give me patience… NOW!

March 16, 2009 in Gym, Mental Health, Vanity, Weight Loss by Caitlin | 2 comments

So I didn’t go to the gym on the weekend – which would have been FINE had I not baked Peach Crumble Slice last night.  And eaten ALL OF IT with Mr Beloved. Oh dear.

Never mind – rather than dwelling on the mistake, I took myself and my new cross trainers off to the gym this arvo.

Asics Gel 580-TR cross trainers

Asics Gel 580-TR cross trainers

Did my 30 minutes of cardio stuff (Translation: panting on the treadmill while it makes whooshy up and down noises as it changes the gradient – so high tech!) and 30 or so minutes of upper body resistance training (Trans: Wobbly tuckshop lady arms struggling to lift teeny weeny weights).

Then home via the library (because as we all know, there is NOTHING TO READ in my house….) in time for Scrapheap Challenge.

Tomorrow I’ve got an Exciting Thing to do!  It involves the transformation from this old version of Caity….

Caity, June 2008

Caity, June 2008

… into the new (slightly more slimline!) short haired blonde seen around here lately… with more make-up.  Think I’ll even ending up wearing the same top (although we might have to pin it back slightly!)

More on that tomorrow.  I’ve know about this for a week, and kinda wish that I had known longer in advance, because then I would have attempted the stupid unrealistic thing of “how much weight can I lose before THEN?”!

Uh – maybe not, eh?  I’m where I am NOW. That will do.

I mean, I’ve come a long way already in the weight loss/getting fit/getting healthy stuff… I’m just feeling frustrated at myself because I feel like the results aren’t happening quickly enough.  I know, it takes time, it takes training – but my inner toddler says “WANT IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!”

Fortunately my inner surly teen whiner (”what’s the use, this isn’t gonna work, you can’t make me do this ANYWAY”) is securely locked in her room and is not allowed out.

So I’ll keep going.  And going. and talk to my personal trainer after Pilates class tomorrow night about re-focussing and what I need to do next.

Time for a (lo-fat!) hot choc and a few pages before I zonk.  Night all!

Confessions of a Shopaholic – movie review *spoilers!*

March 15, 2009 in Memes rants and silliness, Mental Health, Moooooofies by Caitlin | Comments closed

confessions-of-a-shopaholic-2-1280

Now THAT’S What I call a chick flick!

  • Funny movie with lots of laugh out loud moments – check.
  • Cute boy? Uh huh.
  • Enjoyable minor characters? Yep! Especially Kristen Scott Thomas’s fash mag editor with her outrrrrrrrrrrrageous French accent, (which is doubly hilarious because she does speak perfect French)… and debt collector Derek Smeath is perfect, just PERFECT!
  • FABULOUS clothes? You betcha! The shoes!  The iconic green scarf! The plaid cloak!
  • Unexpected quirks? Oh yeah! (store mannequins that tempt, I’m sure I’ve seen those….)
  • Happy ending? OF COURSE!

What more could you possibly want from a Saturday afternoon at the movies?

And to anyone who has been swayed by the critics telling us that the heroines of recent chick flicks are “… brainless idiots, you know, with nothing more on their minds than, you know, getting a man or shopping” (thanks, Margaret Pomeranz – NOT!) Nope.  In denial about her out of control spending – yes, and I certainly can relate to that.

I didn’t get myself into quite as much debt as she did – but then, I don’t have access to the luxury outlets she did, nor did I have multiple credit cards.  Not for want of the big banks trying – the rotters just sent me another “you have been pre-approved for a credit increase” letter this week, which would have taken my credit limit to substantially more than my annual income – now, how STUPID is that?

(Mr Beloved insists that When He Comes To Power, any banks or financial institutions offering credit cards to those who clearly can’t afford them will be deemed to have given a GIFT of that amount to the offer-ee.  Fair enough!)

And to those who say that the film  is inappropriate during the Global Financial Crisis, I say: HELLLLLLOOO? Surely if we’d all been less shopaholic and not been living way beyond our means there wouldn’t BE a GFC?

And now, since we have just had a brief rain shower, my sinuses are acting up and insisting that all my top teeth are about to be shot out of my jaw, and that someone has punched me in the nose.  I’m off to lie down.

So… tired….

March 6, 2009 in Gym, Health, Ki Max, Mental Health, Radical Fitness, Vanity, Weight Loss by Caitlin | 6 comments

Didn’t sleep well last night, one of the mysteries of the universe, that…

So as I was lying in bed this morning debating whether or not to get up (Caity’s Conscience: “But you missed gym yesterday!” Caity’s Rationalisation: “But I can’t train EVERY day…”) when my BFF texted me: “Shoe shopping after gym?”

WELL!! Caity’s Conscience and Caity’s Rationalisation both got a swift kick in the behind and out the door!  Once I got there I *was* just going to do my weights program…but I’ve been dancing around the idea of joining the Ki Max class (group class with lots of boxing and kicking, 4 people to a standing bag) and when one of the other newbies I’d spoken to recently was doing I thought – why not?

Another newbie for the class?!

Another newbie for the class?!

IT WAS AWESOME!!  It really oughta be illegal to have that much fun while actually doing a good workout AND getting to smash the (imagined) anatomy of various people who have aroused my anger.

*side-strike side-strike back-hand* THAT’S for your pr0n collection, 2nd husband!

*jab jab hook* and THAT’S for your not processing my bank transfer in a timely matter, big bank!

*thingummy whose name I can’t remember but where you hit upwards  – body strike?* OOOMPH!  and TAKE THAT, rude checkout chicky babe!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. The release!!! The HIGH!!! The satisfaction!

I have never sweated so much in my entire life.  I had to stop and sit down a coupla times, but WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!  Of course, it helped that one of the gym owners was giving us three newbies our own little tutorials – how good is that service?

The only baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad thing was that because I did the class at the last minute, I had to use the old sweaty gloves that are kept in reserve … omg, the PONG!!!  So before next Friday I will do as everyone else does, and buy my own gloves.

I am amazed how far I’ve come in that last twelve months – I do need to be reminded (perhaps LOUDLY, dear readers!) of that.

Now I am taking my sore shoulders and abs for a nice soak in the bath.

(I'll probably NOT be wearing my ruby lipstick, though!)

(I'll probably NOT be wearing my ruby lipstick, though!)

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

March 4, 2009 in Aspergers, Family, Memes rants and silliness, Mental Health, Vanity by Caitlin | 6 comments

(hands up who now has a David Bowie earworm? You’re welcome!)

I have made a lot of changes in the last year.  Losing weight, starting exercise;  the TAHBSO (Total Abdominal Hysterectomy and Bilateral Salpingo-Oopherectomy and ensuing surgical menopause; taking better care of my skin, wearing make-up more; and getting more interested in clothing and fashion again after years of hiding in shapeless oversized clothes.

Not to mention actually getting real help with my mental illness(es?!), being in a stable and loving relationship (*mwah!* to the Teabot5000) and working towards not only getting out of debt but STAYING out of debt.

Most of these changes have been difficult, and especially so for the poor old Teabot5000 – He. Does. Not. Like. Change.

I mean, it would be hard enough for most men – but throw in the Asperger’s and you could have a disaster.

So far, we’ve managed to keep sailing. Mostly.  We’ve had a few instances where we’ve both had to bail water out of the bottom of the boat, so to speak…

boat

But then today I was soooooo ANGRY!!!

Not really at himself. Just at  – well, EVERYTHING!  I’m tired of being broke.  I’m REALLY tired of that.  I’m tired of having to watch every single cent as it briefly transits through our bank account into someone else’s pocket.

I’m tired of being TIRED.  Still.  (although some of that may be due to not getting enough iron – see “watching every bloody cent” above…)

I’m tired of feeling like my life has no meaning.

Yes, I know we’re well off compared to many – we have the house, we have the car, we have each other, we’re not starving, we have clean water etc etc.  I know I should be grateful for all that and I am – but I am feeling whiney and miserable and I just want to know WHY IS IT ALL SO HARD?!?!

There are some luxuries in my life, after all – the gym membership is expensive (but nowhere near as expensive as staying fat and inactive); and I generally get help to see the medical professionals I need to see.  We have the internet, for gawd’s sake.

And I am fully aware that my former spending habits (and a few episodes of uncontrolled mania) are largely to blame for our current situation.

Maybe if I sell a kidney, I could afford some fripperies?

Maybe if I sell a kidney, I could afford some fripperies?

(you know I’m joking about the kidney, right?  But if you’re interested in second hand sewing machines, let’s make a DEAL!)

BUT – I would like to be well enough to work.  At something meaningful.  Is that too much to ask?  (Probably, given the economy – with so many able bodied/non-mentally-ill/more recently employed potential employees out there, who on earth is going to “spare a shekel for an old ex leper?”, to slightly misquote The Pythons.)

They all want the one advertised job...

They all want the one advertised job...

Congrats if you’ve managed to read this far without my whine turning into the noise Charlie Brown’s teachers make:

Wah Wah Wah

Wah Wah Wah

Today I…

February 2, 2009 in Friends, Gym, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects, Vanity, Weight Loss by Caitlin | 2 comments

  • Made it to Pilates even though I woke up exactly 45 minutes before class start time
  • Remembered to pack both clean undies AND a clean bra to put on post-class-shower/ pre-going out
  • Went with Sue to our first time at The Australian Sewing Guild meeting at Highfields, which was worth the trip. And while there I  traced the pattern to make the tunic featured on the cover of this magazine:
Ottobre Woman 2/2008

Ottobre Woman 2/2008

(Now I just have to grade it up *very* slightly, add seam allowances, tissue fit, choose which fabric to use, and actually sew it up)

  • Did a VERY intense session with the psychologist, working with a technique that I have scoffed at previously but which today saw me burst into tears… I remember now why I don’t usually wear mascara to these sessions!
  • Managed to eat and enjoy two hot cinnamon donuts even though buying three would have been better value – I only wanted two, so that’s all I had.  And they were GOOOOOD!
  • Spent another couple of hours STILL trying to find these back issues of Ottobre Woman (so far without success, obviously, and it’s driving me NUTS)
  • Ottobre Woman 2/2007
    Ottobre Woman 2/2007

    (And then I asked the Teabot5000 if he’d seen that cover and YES, he’d saved a magazine called Ottobre  in a box that he’d mentally marked “Important Textile Magazines KEEP THESE”!!! YES YES YES!!) So now I just have to locate the 2/2006 issue somewhere in our house/shed/combined clutter and I can stop obsessing:

    Ottobre Woman 2/2006

    Ottobre Woman 2/2006

    Why were these suddenly VITAL, I hear you ask?  Well, because I am now so very very close to fitting into some of the patterns that I adored in these but which would have been just too hard (I told myself) to re-draft to fit my larger size. Now I don’t have to re-draft, just trace, add seam allowances, tissue fit, and sew!  I suspect only another delusional sewing nut would understand the difference, but trust me, it’s VERY motivating!)

  • Watched the second auditions episode of So You Think You Can Dance – you all know I LOVELOVELOVE that show, right?
  • Did I mention that part of all the work I’m doing with the psychologist is clearing out unhelpful attitudes?  And that part of this is examinning what’s really important in my life?  So a lot of PHYSICAL clutter is getting sorted through, too; and I decided that the hugely expensive machine embroidery component of my fancy schmancy sewing machine is something  I want to  – hmmm, conquer isn’t quite the right word – perhaps – feel confident about exploring?  Yes.  So I *eventually* located the necessary bits and pieces (software, dongle, serial to USB converters and so on) and – TA DA – reinstalled the software and started to learn the programs over again.  Woo, yes?
  • Tomorrow: The physiotherapist.  And maybe some sewing.  And possibly a gym workout before those things.  So I must away to bed.

PS: Several LOVELY blogfriends have nominated for awards – I will get to them soon, thank you sweeties!

Australia Day. Ugh…

January 26, 2009 in Health, Mental Health by Caitlin | 1 comment

I slept through most of Australia Day.  Don’t know if I ate something wrong or just picked up a bug – but it wasn’t pretty.  So – I’ve got nothing to report, AGAIN.  *sigh* Terribly boring of me.

Trying to get in to see a doctor tomorrow – should my back really still be hurting this much eight days after a fall?  Then I’ve got the psychologist AND the psychiatrist to see this week.

Psychology and Psychiatry

Yep. That’s always FUN.

Tomorrow HAS to be better, yes?

This started as a reply…

January 18, 2009 in Friends, Gym, Mental Health, Vanity by Caitlin | 5 comments

But needed to be a post.  So here goes:

Annie said:

Egads you’re game, I cannot do classes anymore. Was totally addicted to them when I was in my twenties, but now I am just too self conscious, to say nothing of too arthritic to look graceful anymore!

Arthritis is still an issue for me, but the class instructors and my personal trainer take it into account – I do modified version of some exercises and leave some out altogether. But the pain management specialist I see is very big on building muscle to support arthritic joints, and he hasn’t steered me wrong yet…

Of course, it’s early days for me a the gym.  But I am SO determined!

“Self conscious” – I am at the point where I honestly don’t give a STUFF about what anyone else thinks I look like when I’m working out! Of course, it helps a LOT that this is a fantastic gym with friendly people and a wide range of members – there are women (and men!) bigger then I am, and people wear what’s comfy.

Also, I have noticed that the only time anyone really looks in the mirrors is to check their form – if they’re performing the moves correctly -  no skeezoids hanging about checking out the chickybabes of any gender! I think this might be because this isn’t a “trendy” gym  – yes, they’re apparently the only gym in Queensland to offer some of the classes, so they’re modern, and the machines and facilities are kept super clean – but they’re not like SOME places I could name which are owned by franchises and have sales targets and glossy advertising that they have to cover… *wink* I’m sure you know the sort of places I mean!

I’ll NEVER be “graceful” – I mean, you should see the Oxigeno instructor, she moves like a ballet dancer, only with even more amazing muscles – but I expect I’ll get less clumsy and klutzy as I learn the routines and get some balance and core strength. Even SHE falls out of balance poses and admits some days are better than others!

I guess what I’m saying is I’m not letting any of my old ideas about being “perfect” at everything I try hold me back any more. Note: i am NOT saying that “near enough is good enough” – what I’m saying is that I am finally at the point where I can do this for ME, at my pace, and with the expectation that there will NOT be instant results, it’s a long road and I’ve barely taken the first steps.

I’m a bit tireder than usual, but I think when I do get to sleep I’m sleeping better. Going to the gym everyday has definitely improved my mood: even when I’m sore, I still like getting into the workout, and so enjoy the feeling of accomplishment once I’m done!

That said, I’m off to the gym again now.  Just doing the two machines I know so far and some stretches – unless the Step class looks like too much fun!

2009 – already!

January 1, 2009 in Mental Health, Weight Loss by Caitlin | 4 comments

So here we are, almost at 2009.  Wheeeee.

Goals etc: lose another 20 kg.  Exercise everyday. Join (and USE !) the gym.

A bit down today, for no discernible reason – except that Mr Beloved is a long way away and I miss him, a LOT.

Happy New Year, all!

The Utter Awfulness Of Mirrors

December 24, 2008 in Family, Health, Memes rants and silliness, Mental Health, Vanity, Weight Loss by Caitlin | 4 comments

… so back at my house, we have only acquired full length mirrors quite recently.  And I generally manage to avoid them by keeping them strategically filthy, so I can’t REALLY see myself in them, just a quick passing glance.

But here in my brother and sister-in-law’s house, the room I am staying  in has MIRRORS.

The ubiquitous "shot in the mirror" picture

The ubiquitous "shot in the mirror" picture

BIG mirrors. The kind you CANNOT AVOID.

Uggggh.

Naked Caity is NOT something even *I* want to witness first thing in the morning, let me tell you!

And I just got out the scales. NOT GOOD. *sigh* I didn’t think I had been over-eating, but obviously I was wrong.   Thing is, I FEEL better.  I can walk more – in fact, as soon as it’s a little bit cooler, Bidgee is taking me for a rousing game of Stick in River.  I’m still tired all the time, but feeling a little bit stronger, y’know?

But the weight loss stuff needs to get back on track.  SERIOUSLY.  (Not that I’m going to be all prissy tomorrow – you should SEE the feast my lovely sister-in-law and Mum have been working on!)

My lovely sister-in-law, Eunju, peeling prawns for the feast

My lovely sister-in-law, Eunju, peeling prawns for the feast

*sigh*

Well, time to stop moaning about it and go out and do some interval training with the dog.  (In my interpretation, we walk for a bit, then run for a bit, then both stop and pant for a bit, then run for a bit….)

Later,

Caity the waddler

It had to happen eventually…

December 12, 2008 in Health, Home and Garden, Memes rants and silliness, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects by Caitlin | 4 comments

Here at Chez Beloved, we’re fighting a (losing) battle against these rotten little buggers:

!)@*(#&@*& PANTRY MOTH!!

!)@*(#&@*& PANTRY MOTH!!

They are EVERYWHERE.  And it’s going to be very expensive to get rid of them – not because it’s an expensive process per se – just some pheromone based traps from the supermarket, and a good wipe down of everything – but because you have to THROW OUT EVERYTHING THAT MIGHT BE INFESTED.

Oh sure, some of the food can be frozen, that kills the blighters. Unfortunately, even though we have an insanely large fridge/freezer, there is NO space in the freezer section at all.

So MOST things  -  like flour, spices, rice, pasta, etc etc etc – basically anything not in a TIN (although I believe the moths are secretly breeding a mutant SUPERMOTH to even get around that difficulty) have to be tossed.  *fume*

MOTHRA!

MOTHRA!

And the moths are, of course, in my sewing room as well.  Which is why my grabbing the lidless can of this

Spray Starch

Spray Starch

and attempting to spray it around the room -INSTEAD OF THIS

FLY SPRAY

FLY SPRAY

was inevitable.

However, those moths have the CRISPEST, MOST CREASE FREE WINGS you ever saw…..

*headdesk*!!

PINK! And other happy things

December 9, 2008 in Friends, Gardam's, Health, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects, Vanity, Weight Loss, fabric by Caitlin | 10 comments

Ok, just so we’re clear, I don’t mean THIS Pink -(tho I LOVE her!)

I mean THIS PINK!

Yep, I was bored at the hairdressers today – bored with being grey.  So – if I’m going to colour my hair, I thought, why not COLOUR it?!

Pink! I like PINK!

Pink! I like PINK!

And although the weight loss is still slowed waaaaaaaaay down, I’m feeling better about it and back to counting calories.  I thought you needed to see me posing in front of our suburb’s emblem: the abandoned car surrounded by unmown lawn.  CLASSIC!

AND – I had the NICEST thing happen to me today!  You know I just ADORE our local fabric heaven, Gardam’s, right?  Well, I went in to pick up a layby (pics to follow soon, I promise) only to have the lovely manager hand me an envelope and explain that it was a gift certificate from Mr and Mrs Gardam!  YOU COULD HAVE KNOCKED ME OVER WITH A FEATHER!

Of course I spent it immediately on more yummy fabric, LOL!  Seriously, their store has the best service and fabric – there were some young things in there today making choices for bridesmaid dresses and I promise you, these would NOT be  “Bridesmaid Dresses” – you know, the ones that are so unspeakably awful that you look at the photos and cringe – no, these girls were playing with  gorgeous silk chiffons over some luxe duchess satins – soooo pretty!

And now I must go and retrieve my new fabric from the washing machine – by the time Miss Constance and I get back from our walk, it will be ready to iron, cut out and sew – wheeeeeeeeeeee!! Another iteration of the fabulous trapeze dress from McCall’s 5583, this time in a rayon/poly/nylon blend that has an interesting (almost looks like velvet but it’s not) texture in black – prefect in case I get to go out some evening on holidays.  And now I know that dress doesn’t need a zip, it’s even quicker to make.

It’s always…. INTERESTING…

November 27, 2008 in Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects, Pattern Reviews by Caitlin | 3 comments

… starting with a new therapist.  I had my first appointment today.

Now just a firm twist to the RIGHT and....

Now just a firm twist to the RIGHT and....

I’ve seen a LOT of different doctors about my messy brain.  I’m even seeing yet ANOTHER new one (psychiatrist – today’s was a psychologist) next week.

I am, however, hopeful.  Not least because this new bloke makes sense.  Which is not a given, in the head shrinking field.  We shall see.  Maybe I’m at a point now where I can actually address the issues.

Scary.

Here’s a novel concept (and pretty much the focus of this therapy): Anxiety is not inherently a Bad Thing.

I remain sceptical.  But I can’t go on doing what I’m doing because IT’S NOT WORKING.  So we shall see.

In other news: I’m off to tissue fit and try to make this:

McCalls 5664

McCalls 5664

The reviews have been mixed over on Pattern Review – I’m not sure how the engineering works, but it seems that if a garment wraps from the front to the back, then the front rides up.  I have fabric for two versions: white with a red and white sash, and blue with a black sash.

And if I’m going to get it cut out tonight, I need to stop faffing about online and go do it!

SCORE!

November 17, 2008 in Health, Mental Health, Vanity by Caitlin | 8 comments

3 new pairs

3 new pairs!

Reddish/burgundy leather round toe slingbacks: $230 $40

Red patent leather, wood stacked heel, basket weave at toes: $239 $40

(One can never have too many red shoes!)

Black kid pointy toe quilted flats: $299 $40  (my concession to having to occasionally revert to flats.  At least these are kind glam, with their nod to Chanel’s delish quilted flats…)

SCORE!!  Should I go back tomorrow and get the pink sandals? Hmmmmm….

All from Arabella Shoe Boutique’s back room sale.  Normally all I do at Arabella’s is leave nose prints on their windows… cos I can’t afford even to walk in the door!

Sue got the most fabbo pointy toe burgundy pumps for $20 – I mean, how could you POSSIBLY not get them at that price?

In other news… I now am the proud owner of a copy (in almost my size – will have to enlarge the waist, grrr) of this beauty:

Simplicity 4260; ©1953; Misses’ and Women’s One-Piece Dress: “Simple to Make” dress has short kimono sleeves and bodice underarm section for freedom of action. Concealed pockets in flared skirt are optional. View 1 buttons down entire front. Collar and cuffs are contrasting. View 2 has wide shaped neckline. sleeves open at outer edge. Buttons close dress to hipline with a pleat below closing. Saddle stitching trims the dress.

Simplicity 4260

Simplicity 4260

The envelope for mine is really tattered, but the instructions are there and the pattern has been neatly cut.  Which to do first – the super cute crisp white collar and cuffs (perhaps in a white pique if I can find some?) or the lovely shaped neckline with the shorter sleeves with slit?  Oh decisions, decisions….

And in health news: the swelly belly isn’t going down.  In fact, it’s getting worse.  *sigh*  Ultrasound of my liver tomorrow morning (cue Monty Python’s Meaning of Life Liver Donor Sketch running in my head…) and reverting to gluten free diet (even though the gastroenterologist swears up and down that I don’t have coeliac. Grrrr.)

And my fabulous primary health care doctor has made arrangements for me to see a psych about my OCD issues.  Woot. I’m – thrilled?  No really – it will be good to get some help.  It’s just that – well, if it’s not one thing, it’s another – when will I be FIXED?!  (can’t get the parts, you know, out of warranty…)

*sigh*

Oh – and thanks for those who were worried, but Toowoomba didn’t get the big storms that really hit Brisbane  – as usual, the storm went around the hill.  We only got some heavy rain for about 10 minutes and drizzle since then. Some suburbs in Brisbane were severely damaged.  Our roof leaks in one or two small, manageable spots, but apart from that we’re fine.

Hoping to do some sewing tomorrow…

You know what?

November 6, 2008 in Admin, Memes rants and silliness, Mental Health, Quilts and Quilting by Caitlin | 15 comments

Certain people at a group I won’t name but will no longer be associated with in any way need to read this:

Maybe this is even too advanced for them....

Maybe this is even too advanced for them....

and stay the heck out of things they know nothing about.

ANGRY!!!!!

For my sewing buddies:

November 2, 2008 in Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects by Caitlin | 2 comments

Simplicity 2981 again

Simplicity 2981 again

I am three-quarters of the way through the next version of The Dress.  This time in black polyester fabric I bought for $5 a metre.

Now, sewing buddies – SPOT THE PROBLEM IN THAT SENTENCE.

Woven polyester fabric.  Very PRETTY woven polyester fabric, black with little white spots. At a price I couldn’t resist.

Now, what are the three words we need to remember about polyester fabric, if I should EVER EVER EVER attempt to make anything else from this  hellish material?

POLYESTER DOESN’T EASE.

(Also, it frays if you so much as look at it wrong. Into teeny weeny very pretty thread snarls that look just like guinea feathers, except are nowhere near as useful.)

(OMG! Just found a shop I could spend most of a lotto win at – Millinery Suppliers!  WOOOOOOT! *wanders off singing “heaven… I’m in heaven…*)

AHEM!  Back to the business at hand:  I bought the fabric from HELL. Straight from Stan’s loom , I tell ya!

Which is why, at 7 pm on Sunday night, I’m just starting to cut out version THREE, in cotton (oh cotton, how I love you!).  Remember I want to wear this on TUESDAY. And I have a hat to trim , too. Last time it took about 2 hours to cut (but that was horrible slippery fabric – oh yeah, I forgot to mention – polyester’s SLIPPERY! and I had to mark every piece carefully with right and wrong side, because there was a subtle but noticeable difference…)

Right. Back to it!  Just promise me, dear readers, PROMISE ME, that if I so much as LOOK at el cheapo polyester woven fabric again, you will take me by the hand and repeat those three words:  Polyester. Doesn’t. EASE!!

Blah.

October 16, 2008 in Health, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects by Caitlin | 3 comments

Think I overdid things in the last few days.  Hiding in bed today feelng particularly blah. I want to be sewing, but I’m too achey.

wheeeeeeeee!

*sigh* just pretend this is me having fun, ok?  I’ll be over here in the corner chewing painkillers and whimpering…

GIRLY DAY!

October 9, 2008 in Health, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects, Vanity, Weight Loss by Caitlin | 15 comments

Sue and I had the BEST girly day out today!  We were originally booked in with a make-up artist who was coming up from BrisVegas – for whatever reason, that didn’t happen.  But we kept the booking with the cosmetics counter and ended up getting much better value for money!

First thing: I’m not a warm undertone at all – I’m COOL? (Yeah, you always knew I was cool, eh?!)  In fact, I’m not an Autumn at all – I’m a WINTER!!  Look, here I am in pretty pinks – looking HEALTHY!

Pink lips, pink blush, turquoise(!) eyeliner

Pink lips, pink blush, turquoise(!) eyeliner

And look how far I’ve come: this photo was one I posted in May this year: (Admittedly, a less flattering shot, with too much flash, but still…)

May 2, 2008

May 2, 2008

I’m bloody AMAZED! So you’ll be seeing me in more of these colours:

Winter colours

Winter colours

(Someone who happens to be one of my very dearest friends and who IS an Autumn is going to get some fabric, LOL! but not that Japanese piece, I’m planning on cutting into that TONIGHT!)

Sue and I both DESPERATELY want to go see Kerryn and get our colours and image style done - I think that it would best the absolute BEST treat once I reach my goal weight,  don’t you?

After the whole skincare and makeup stuff was finished, we went for a coffee and then a little shopping – until all of a sudden we realised it was quarter to FIVE! (our appointment was for 12:30!)  We both tried on a new perfume (which I am totally in love with, the mandarin and pepper notes are just gorgeous) and went to the discount cosmetics shop for quick drying nail polish (bare toes, need polish!).

And we did a lot of sneak shopping – I wish I’d though to whip out my camera phone for some details: tops with masses of pintucks; a shirt with a lovely wide collar shaped by an inverted pleat; covered buttons and beads embellishing another pricey jacket; colour combinations to reproduce.  All things that we could add to our sewing…

I had the nicest day!  And now I’m feeling much more confident about going for  new colours – I just want to get sewing! And now I know what colour make-up to buy,I’m saving up and veeeeerrrry gradually getting myself new things.  WOOOOOOOO!  Look out world, Caity is BACK!

Thank you! (new eyebrows…)

September 18, 2008 in Mental Health, Vanity by Caitlin | 5 comments

I’m not sure if people go back and read my comments on your comments – so THANK YOU ALL for saying lovely things!  (Although, Kirsty?  No thanks on the more abdominal surgery for better skin, LOL!  And Karen – me? *flutters eyelids demurely* tufts of colour?  Surely not!!)

Hiding nuts in those cheeks?!

Tired out today – apart from the eyebrow waxing appointment, I felt brave enough to actually go around the supermarket with Mr Beloved.  (One of the regular checkout chicks said “I was wondering if he’d traded you in!”)

(oh, I also had those #@(_$*_@#$* super stiff and DARK chin and necks hairs waxed off today.  Maaaaaaaan I hope that eventual HRT will settle those suckers down, cos they make me feel HIDEOUS.  Ick ick ick ick ICK!)

The last day or two have been the first that I have been able to skip some of the pain meds – which I’m sure will be a great relief for my poor abused liver and bowel.  Now if I can just get rid of the horrible ulcers in my mouth…

Not a lot else happening – I’m really looking forward to going to the Stitcher’s Dream Day Out that Marion from The Patchwork Angel is running this weekend – I’m going Saturday.  I’m a leeeeeeeetle bit worried that it will be too much at once for me… but I booked LAST YEAR, so I’m GOING!

Cute, and flattering - yes?

Cute, and flattering - yes?

I’m hoping perhaps to get to Gardam’s tomorrow to buy fabric to run up a quick little blouse to wear (assuming we’ll have nice weather this weekend) – I think the no-pattern peasant blouse from Threads #120 could be just the thing.  (And no, I don’t think I have ANY suitable fabric in my stash, cos I don’t normally go for “filmy delicate” things.  (Just sayin’, O Teabot5000™ and anyone else who has seen my stash, LOL!)

I keep feeling better every day… and I’m REALLY looking forward to getting cleared to exercise by the doc.  I didn’t realise how very sick I was before the op – seriously, the last two or three months before surgery were some of the worst I’ve ever been. Talking to the doc a week after surgery when he explained just how badly gummed up everything was has only just started to sink in – I was probably weeks away from having to have EMERGENCY surgery.  Scary.

Weirdest post-surgery phenom so far?  I suspect my chocolate cravings were located in my ovaries, cos since they’ve been gone I haven’t wanted chocolate at all.  (Even when I was still in hospital and begged the Teabot5000™ to bring me an icecream, he ended up eating most of the chocolate shell!)   Apparently too much oestrogen can cause “cravings for sweets” along with a whole heap of other delightful symptoms (most of which I was having – yuk!)  Now my ovaries are gone, I’m suffering just bout all the symptoms listed for LOW oestrogen – talk about your swings and roundabouts!

That’s about all – except – OMG, the final of US So You Think You Can Dance was on tonight and it was AWESOME!! (sorry, K, I didn’t tape it – our video has died.  Waah!)  I’d already spoilered myself with the winner, but that didn’t matter – the dancers were AMAZING.    Now I’m eagerly awaiting the next season of the Australian verson, which will probably screen early next year, since the auditions start at the end of this month.  (Ok, I admit it, I am a dance tragic, and was super excited when Adam said he was part of Step Up 3 *in 3D!*)

And now I’m off to lie in bed, read, and have  8 or 9 hot flashes and night long insomnia.  Swings and roundabouts …

New hair!

September 16, 2008 in Mental Health, short haircut by Caitlin | 9 comments

First expedition out today – managed the library and NEW HAIR!

SHORT hair!

SHORT hair!

Tomorrow, the eyebrows get tamed….

(OMG – I look EXACTLY like my Mum!!!  Hi Mum!)

PS: Now I need a colour too – hmmm, it’s so short I can change colours a lot!  Wheeeeeee!!

*sigh*

August 16, 2008 in Mental Health by Caitlin | 3 comments

Yep, still here.  Still in pain.  Which, as I have said before, is better than the alternative.  But still – *sigh*.  Because I’m tired. Tired because my iron levels are probably through the floor again (despite my taking HORSE PILLS – ugh! of iron daily) and tired because I’m not sleeping well because of the pain.

Bring on Tuesday.

And while I’m talking about “the alternative” – ie, DYING – just want to let my feelings be known here.  I have completed an Advance Health Directive, even had my doctor look over it and sign the appropriate parts (just got to get a JP/ Commissioner for Declarations to witness it now.)  That’s a looooong form with lots of tick boxes that say things like “In the event of last stage terminal illness, I do/do not want the following things to happen; and then there are tick boxes for things like “assisted ventilation” and “Antibiotics” and such.

(Seriously, if you’ve never thought about this, go check it out and let your loved ones know, ok?  Cos do YOU want to have to make the decision about whether or not to put your sweetie on a ventilator?  Isn’t it better to KNOW what they would want?)

Basically: if I’m not coming back (in a persistant vegetative state, or extended coma) then keep as many parts that are salvageable in as usable condition as possible, in order to donate EVERYTHING possible to those who need the organs/tissues.

And for afterwards: Do NOT have a church service.  Do NOT bury me (unless you can find an eco-bury type arrangement where my body gets composted or planted under a tree or something… but I have yet to find out the legalities around that) so please just cremate me and do what you want with the ashes. I can’t stand cemetaries and I think the little remembrance plaques are even worse.  So just – DON’T.  Ok?

Everything I own goes to Mr Beloved.  (Almost as simple as the possibly apocryphal Will of three words: “All to Wife.” )

Seems weird to me that some people don’t ever think about this sort of thing.  (is it just because I have lived with depression for so long that I have thought about this a lot?)  Also strikes me as odd that I have a house and sheds FULL OF STUFF that I’m not all that attached to, in the end – I mean, yes, I’d miss stuff if it all went tomorrow, but really?  It just isn’t that important.

Think I’ll be doing a big de-clutter as soon after surgery as I’m cleared to be lifting stuff, huh?

*sigh*

Off to make dinner now.  Not hungry but have to eat, blah blah blah.

And the fun never stops….

August 11, 2008 in Health, Memes rants and silliness, Mental Health by Caitlin | 2 comments

So, tomorrow I’m off to Breast Screen Queensland for a mammogram.  Yet another stop on the Super-Fun-Tilt-Your-World ride that is the process of getting OLDER.

(Yes, thanks, I know NOT getting older would be worse.  But this is MY blog – go whinge on your own!)

Anyway, the Big Boob Squish™ is happening not because of any particular worries – but because I’m probably having an oestrogen implant when I have the surgery, it’s a good idea to have a baseline mammogram.

Just In Case.

Also on the Just In Case To-Do list this week: getting an Enduring Power of Attorney, a Legal Will, and an Advanced Health Directive organised.

(Sue, if I die, you can have my fabric stash.  Not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse!!)

Oh, and the pre-admission check-list phone call from the hospital today raised another FUN!! task to-do: “With your legs together, shave, wax, or you can be shaved here at the hospital.” Um yeah, thanks.  “Would you like a catheter?” was another question that didn’t require a whole lotta thought – are you kidding?  Wet myself trying to use a pan or have a nice clean tube, what do YOU think!

Yep, welcome to Caityworld, Where Too Much Information Is Barely Enough!™

And in that spirit: This week I will CELEBRATE my LAST PERIOD EVER.

Not normally a cause for celebration – ever since I first got my period I have had a miserable time with it – pain, swelling, bloating, acne, migraines, persistent anaemia, constipation, mood swings, and medicinal consumption of vast quantities of chocolate.  I’ve tried every over-the counter “period pain” pill there is; tried altering my diet (but seriously – caffeine deprived Caity is NOT a Happy Fun Sparkly Caity!), exercising to ameliorate the pain, and being on various versions of The Pill.

I have spent waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much money on various products to catch “the flow” (although the best value ones by far are The Keeper or The Diva Cup – highly recommended if you’re comfortable with your body, squicky if you’re not).  I have spent hours soaking blood-stained knickers, jeans, skirts and pyjamas in napisan when the various tampons, pads etc failed.

I have not owned white undies in many many years.

When I had only just started getting The Monthly Monster, one month I ended up in hospital with suspected appendicitis. I was in dreadful pain, but then the blood arrived – and all of a sudden I was shoved out of the hospital bed, told to get dressed, and sent home with some incredibly wimpy headache tablets.

WAIT A SECOND!! A moment ago I was being taken seriously about how much pain I was in, but now you reckon I’m fine? THE PAIN HASN’T CHANGED!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!

I remember my Mum being rather excited and thrilled when I got my first ever period.  I was embarrassed.  She was emotional over her first daughter reaching such a momentous change: I was pissed off by the MESS and the inconvenience.

So after 28+ years of dealing with all this: Yeah, I’m celebrating its loss!!  There will be bubbly; there may even be cake.  I’m thinking possibly Friday or Saturday lunch or arvo tea, if you’re among my TWB circle and free around then….

In the meantime, just THROW IN THE CHOCOLATE AND NOBODY WILL GET HURT, OKAY?!?!?

Still here… not at all interested in Opening Ceremony

August 8, 2008 in Health, Mental Health, Podcasts by Caitlin | 1 comment

… unless you’re opening champagne (or fizzy domestic equivalent) – in which case, I’M YA GIRL!! The Olympics Opening ceremony? Not so much.

We went back to the doctors again today.  Actually back to TWO different surgeries – the old one where half the practice USED to be, and which had a working machine that was needed to do the lung function test; then an hour and a half later at the NEW surgery where my Doc now works (but where the necessary machine died yesterday arvo) for her to read the results.

Turns out that even though I have better than predicted (for my age and weight) lung function (YAY for all those years of busking with the flute in Wagga’s freezing cold winters, eh?!) I do also have asthma.  Bugger. At least it’s just cold/exercise/allergy triggered, and I can manage it with Ventolin (and the handy dandy spacer – I have never had much success with just the puffer on its own, I always ended up with medicine on my tongue.  Ick phtttht.)

After the doctors and dietician (it’s really hard to lose weight when you can’t get out of bed much!) I did manage to get to one of the Local Quiltshops today (for the first time since about APRIL) and pick up some more needles and a metre (ok, four 25 cm pieces) of different greens to add to the Tuesdays and Triangles quilt.

Sorry no other news… still mostly in bed, moaning.  Poor Teabot5000 (aka Mr Beloved) has been very kind, but I am counting the days hours til surgery.

HOWEVER if, like me,  you are of a skeptical bent, and need a great laugh, do please go check out my two new favourite podcasts:

The Skeptics Guide to the Universe (Annie, I LOVE these guys!! Thank you so much for the recommendation) – get 5  science literate, no bullshit commentators and let ‘em rip – great stuff.

And through the SGU, I found out about George Hrab’s Geologic Podcast – he’s crazy but soooo cool! I mean, THIS is his day job - vibraphones!  Man, you’re just not allowed to even go NEAR vibes without a sufficiently high cool factor, you know?

He does funny sketches, talks about life as a working muso, and debunks more crap.  Don’t miss his Religious Moron of the Week section – HILARIOUS!!   (Just don’t start with Geologic# 76, it is NOT AT ALL indicative of what he’s about. Really.)

EDITED TO ADD: The lovely Ms. Information from Geologic commented:

“Since the Geologic Podcast is so varied, maybe the best place to put
the needle down for the first time is a show from February, a Best Of
compilation of sketches, Episode 52.1.

Thanks for giving the Maestro a shout out. We’re sending you heaps of virtual sugar from Geologic HQ.”

How frickin’ awesome is that?!?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I’m out.  Thanks for watching, folks!

Don’t look, Ethel!

July 30, 2008 in Friends, Health, Mental Health by Caitlin | 2 comments

I am happy because… TONIGHT I GET TO WATCH TWO HOURS OF (U.S.) SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE!!  (don’t look at that link unless you are happy to be spoilerised, since here in Aus we haven’t made it though all the audtion shows yet, ok?)

I KNOW I can’t dance.  in fact, I suck so baaaaaaaaad at dance that I even have trouble with the moves on my “Dance Workout for Dummies” Fitness DVD – in the slowed down TUTORIAL section!  However, I adore watching dance, and have huge admiration for dancers’ discipline and hard work.

*sigh* apart from that, I’ve dived right into the deep end of the Pity Pool, and am currently lazily floating.

It does my heart (and  mind) a lot of good when my very sweet readers (you know who you are, kisses to you, MWAH! MWAH!) share their hysterectomy stories and/or send good wishes.  I’m hoping the post-operative pain will be far less than what I’m going through right now (and for many of you, that seems to have been the case.)

That’s about all my sitting up time for today… I may even have to invoke the “too sick to move” rule and *gasp* watch tv from BED tonight!!  I’m missing out on most of your blogs, but hope to catch up once the lovely Mr Beloved has brought Teh Interwebs to my bedside.

Sphygmomanometer – or, why Caity is happy today!

July 14, 2008 in Health, Mental Health, Weight Loss by Caitlin | 3 comments

So, we went to the doctor today.  And more exciting news – I NO LONGER HAVE TO USE THE “OBESE” CUFF on the sphygmomanometer!

For the last few years my upper arm has been too large to use the ordinary size cuff.  Today it not only fit without popping, it gave an accurate reading (I know this because it’s been the same reading on three different uits now.)

And that BP reading is such that I can HALVE my blood pressure medication!  My goal is, of course, to not need the medication at all, but going from 16mg to 8mg is so THRILLING!

AND – just to top off my excitement – today, for the first time in *mumblety* years, I bought a standard size bra.  18DD still isn’t exactly teeny, I grant you -but have you got ANY idea how much choice dropping to that size now gives me?  I could buy all sorts of PRETTY bras with knickers to match and that ARE NOT ONLY AVAILABLE IN PROSTHETIC PINKY-BEIGE!  And Tshirt bras!  And push up bras!!  WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!

Ahem.

And that’s all the news from Lake NoLongerQuiteSoFat.

Sewing to follow SOON.

More misery – BORING!!

June 18, 2008 in Health, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects by Caitlin | 3 comments

Sorry, all – I am truly miserable and while I lovelovelove getting your comments, I am just not up to replying. Arrgh! Thanks you so much for them, they DO help – but I think something is really WRONG. I’m just so tired and feel so HEAVY all the time.

Mr Beloved thought I was up reading too late- nope, even putting the book down and turning of the light and putting on my CPAP mask at a reasonable time, (ie, before himself even breaks away from his computer!) and sleeping right through until about 5-6 am when the dog says she has to go OUT, I’m STILL EXHAUSTED.  So much so that I crashed out from around 2pm til 7 this evening.  THIS IS NOT RIGHT!!

Burda Tracing paperDid a few minor errands today – needed more pattern tracing paper so I can trace off a Jalie pattern – possibly this one – to make up in the $2 metre knit I scored at Spodshite yesterday.

Also got to the library – my turn with the Trinny and Susannah Body Shape Bible finally came up (there were a dozen reserves ahead of me) – but after a quick look through I’m more confused than ever about my shape.

Haven’t lost any centimetres off my waist or hips in the last 4 weeks – but my weight is now down to 107.9 – that’s lighter than when I left Canberra, at the end of 2003. Yay!

It probably would have been a little bit more if I had said no to dinner with the girls before we went out on Saturday night – but hey, ya gotta live, right?

And now – I’m back to bed. For those of you lucky enough to be able to work, I’m sure that sounds like BLISS – it’s not when it’s your whole LIFE!!

Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisery!

June 16, 2008 in Friends, Health, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects, Weight Loss by Caitlin | 2 comments

Whine whine whine.

Had a lovely night out with the girls on Saturday night – dinner at a Thai place (Thanks, Sue, for bringing wine – yum!) and then off we went with several THOUSAND other women and a few intrepid blokes to see Menopause the Musical. Fun, but LOUD!

I have spent the last two days entirely in bed – Mr Beloved wakes me up and makes me eat stuff, and feeds me cups of tea, but that’s all the energy I’ve had. Pathetic.

Simplicity 3678Tried to sew a dress to wear for the big night out and it was even more DISASTROUS than the last attempt!! At least now I know that long full sleeves with elastic at the bottom make me look older than my grandmother…. and that the weight of knit fabrics makes a HUGE difference to the alterations I need to do- which I spent AGES on – and which were then TOO BLOODY BIG.

BTW: I HATE THE F****KING CONTRACEPTIVE PILL. It was supposed to suppress ovulation and therefore the pain – NOPE. after some research, did you know that every kilogram heavier you are than 70kg makes the pill less effective? Great. I’ve had 4 migraines and feel like I’ve had PMT all month and THEN been run over by a garbage truck. And the diet? That’s just a loss right now – I think if I even walk PAST food I’m putting on weight, I don’t even have to eat it. I am NOT looking forward to seeing the dietician tomorrow.

Right, that’s about enough whinging from me – I’m off to make a last cuppa tea for the evening and watch CSI:NY.

New HAIR!

June 11, 2008 in Health, Mental Health, Weight Loss by Caitlin | 16 comments

The old – straggly, unflattering, frizzly, with dye growing out.

front = OLD

The NEW – sleek (and even I can manage to straighten it now there’s SO MUCH LESS HAIR!) and definitely more age appropriate. Hair colour completely natural (I’m growing into my silver hair…)

Whaddaya think?

It’s sort of a modified bob – longer at the front, not severe shaping at the back but enough to keep it sharp. And I feel so much LIGHTER without all that hair – wow – must take that into account at next weigh-in, LOL!!

I love it so much. I am now officially at home here – I have good girlfriends, and a good doctor, dentist, and hairdresser – I’m NOT (touch wood) MOVING!!

Mooooofie!

June 10, 2008 in Friends, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects by Caitlin | 3 comments

Yes, we went and saw Sex and the City: The Movie. Yes, the dresses were fabboo – and yes, we cried – even the one of us who claims to be QUITE hardhearted shed a tear, didn’t she, Chriss??

Best dress? Ooooh, such a choice! The rose dress. DEFINITELY the rose dress! Not the shape so much (cos bubble dresses on bigger bodies= CIRCUS TENT!) but the print – I am sw0ooooooooning for the print!

Also? Tomorrow, I’m getting my hair cut. OFF.

Yep, you heard me – OFF!!

See, there’s this dyed LINE in my hair (from when I gave up getting it dyed) that looks totally BOGANish, and since I refuse to start smoking Winnie blues and wearing flannie shirts, the only other option is to REMOVE IT. WITH SCISSORS.

My hairdresser doesn’t know yet – except that I changed my appointment from “Trim” to “Style Cut”….

In other news – tonight I decide whether to attempt to pull apart the Domino fabric dress and re-sew it smaller. Cos – this “sack of unsmiling potatoes” look? BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

I can’t believe I just blogged that picture. Have I NO SHAME at all?

Well, since I have…. should I attempt to unpick it? Or just give up??

Grrrr

May 27, 2008 in Health, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects by Caitlin | 3 comments

I missed ANOTHER quilters day. Grrr! I am SO SICK OF THIS PAIN!

Went to the gastroenterologist yesterday – he was much nicer than he seemed last year – thank goodness! Agreed that my issues are NOT his department, and also agreed with the course of action that my GP had already planned. Good to know, but not particularly helpful on the day.

Also – he acknowledged that while I don’t have diagnosable coeliac disease, I do have a wheat intolerance. YAY! Why yay? Well, now I feel justified in avoiding gluten most of the time, but can allow myself the occasional piece of toast if I really feel like it.

No sewing happening either – tried a sleeve from the Rio jacket in muslin and Mr Beloved reckoned it looked like something Frankenstein’s monster would have sewn! Also, the whole tricky seam is on the back of the sleeve, where it can’t even be seen – so why bother?? I still like the look and drape of the vest so I might have a go at that. I might even just put a plain sleeve in and make the jacket…

Sorry no posts with pretty pics – all I want to do right now is hunch over a hot water bottle and moan. I realise that isn’t helpful, but you try exercising when your lower abdomen feels like it has a bread knife cutting into it!!

GRRRRRRRRR!

Marimekko have a BLOG!

May 16, 2008 in Health, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects, Weight Loss by Caitlin | Comments closed

Printing Fabric at Marimekko

*Swwooooooooons and has to go lie down with a nice cuppa tea.*

Marimekko “Always Mod”

I have ONE piece of Marimekko in my stash, that I got as a trade many years ago.  It’s lime green with orange flowers and I love it too much to cut it up!

In other news: Today I bought a new book.  Which is very helpful, so I’m off to read some more.  I have got a photo to trace off to see my body silhouette (so very confronting!)  like these women did.

The author, Annabelle van Tongeren, is an Aussie who has dressed a lot of our celebrities, Book coverand the book is beautiful.  (And looking at her gallery, I remember seeing one of her gorgeous dresses ages ago in Australian Stitches magazine – but that’s not one I keep, so I can’t tell you which issue.)

You know, when I finally get down to my goal weight, I’m going to find a way to have one of those makeovers.  In the meantime,  I’m going to try and learn and sew as much as I can to keep me motivated.  Only another 47 kilos to go!

Ever had one of those projects?

May 6, 2008 in Memes rants and silliness, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects by Caitlin | 10 comments

ARRRRRRRGH!!

I though I’d make a simple little skirt, nothing flash. I chose this pattern:

Dead simple, innit?

Bought cheap fabric which I thought would do for a knock-around sort of skirt.

BUT – first I cut it out in the wrong size. And blithely sewed it up without fitting cos well – I’m ALWAYS the biggest size, aren’t I.

Except I completely failed to take into account the recent weight loss. La la la, try it on to see hem length – and watch it fall straight to my ankles, since the waist is the only fitted place on the skirt. Oops.

Unpick the whole thing and start again. (And leave it for a few more days.)

Re-cut, sewed next size down. (Leave it for another few days.)

Decided to use invisible zip.

Put it in back to front.

Unpick.

Try another method of inserting invisible zip – hmm, right way this time, but not really invisible!

Mr Beloved (quite rightly) insists I have a cuppa tea.

Get out The Book (so glad I found it – safely filed under my sewing machine. D’OH!). When Ms Betzina says “Idiot Proof invisible zipper” – she means it’s even CAITY proof! (Although for a moment due to my complete directional dyslexia I thought I’d sewn it back to front again – but then I zipped it up. Ahem.)

But then – the waistband treatment on the pattern was STUPID. Using narrow (half inch wide) twill tape to finish the waistband as though you were using petersham? DOESN’T WORK. It just doesn’t. There isn’t enough width to turn the top of the waistband down.

No worries, I’ll buy petersham (it’s a ribbon, with unlocked edges so you can make it curve – see here for an illustration.) Eventually found some at Lincr*p today – in only one size, one colour, and well hidden away from any other ribbon. (Yeah, that makes sense… NOT!) And at $4.99 per metre!! When I know (thanks to the girls on Pattern Review) That I can buy the same width from the USA in a gazillion different colours , for $US 2.89 per yard… and the postage isn’t much.

But – I wanted to wear the skirt tomorrow, perhaps. So I lashed out ($2.99!) on a packet of pre-made bias binding. All was going FINE With that until… I notice I had sewn the invisible zipper in about a quarter of an inch HIGHER on one side than the other.

FLIPPIN’ HECK! I can’t believe all the hassles that have come up with one little skirt!! All stupid little mistakes that I shouldn’t be making – although, it HAS been a while since I’ve sewn clothes. Mostly because at my current size and shape it’s pretty much like sewing circus tents.

No progress photos – they’d mostly be of me TEARING MY HAIR OUT. But here’s a photo of the almost finished skirt:

Caity in new skirt

Which is now TOO BIG again!

I don’t care. I’m going to hem the damn thing and take it in at the waist with a safety pin on each side for a couple of weeks.

(Actually, I might make it again next week- with the petersham waist band – and another size smaller.)

For those interested: Weight Loss

April 29, 2008 in Health, Mental Health, Weight Loss by Caitlin | 6 comments

All those shakes and bars and calorie counting? IS WORKING!! My blood pressure is dropping, and more importantly than just the kilograms lost – my shape is changing!!

When I started on March 26, the body composition measurements (electrical impedance thingummy machine) showed that my Fat Free Mass (that’s all the organs and muscles etc) was 52.9 kg: today, April 29th: 54.9 kg. I’ve put on muscle!! YAY!!!!

On March 26, the Fat Mass measurement was 64.9kg. Today: 57.7! so I’ve lost 7.2 kg of JUST FAT. That’s 15.8 lbs.

My waist measurement has dropped by 3cm, and my hip measurement has dropped by 5cm. (Nearly 2 inches!)

My dietician is thrilled – and so am I. Mr Beloved is also losing weight, because he’s the main cook – and with weighing out my veges and protein, and not having The Phantom Baker* spring puddings and cakes etc on him, he’s already shrunk out of some jeans that I never got around to hemming up (bonus! I hate hemming jeans!)

Artist's Imperssion: The Phantom Baker

*The Phantom Baker is a tricky beastie who used to pop up far more often than was good for ANYBODY, and make cakes and brownies and puddings and bikkies and…. we haven’t seen her since March 26, and we are hoping she remains MIA for quite some time yet.

Next week is my heart-rate measured walk with the exercise physiologist. I’m hoping to be a lot more motivated to walk daily after that.

The annoying Weasel neighbour (it’s a long story) is MOVING OUT – and when he yelled out “Faaaaaaaat girl” today, apart from ignoring him (which burns his butt – you should see him desperately trying to attract our attention, LOL!) I REALLY wanted to yell back “But I’m losing weight – and you’re not getting any smarter!”, a la Winston Churchill’s famous remark (”Sir, you’re drunk!” “And Madam, you’re ugly – but in the morning, I shall be sober.” Possibly apocryphal, but a good story nonetheless.)

And in other news, I wore my t-shirt inside out all day. Nobody noticed. Until Mr Beloved did at the dietician’s office. Admittedly, I wore a jumper (sweater) most of the day, but there were HOURS at quilters when my inside out t-shirt was on display – and nobody noticed. Geeze guys, ya coulda SAID something?! See, that’s what all this “deconstructed” Fashion (read: SLOPPY UNFINISHED RUBBISH!) has lead to. *sigh*

I’m all for desconstructed (as is the author of that blog in the link) where that means: thoughtful rethinking of old paradigms, playing with shapes, opening the way to new techniques. But just ripping holes in a t-shirt and sewing the seams inside out? IS.NOT. DECONSTRUCTION.

Why, when I was young…..

Editors note: At this point, Ms O’Connor was gently led away, as it was time for her stewed prunes and a nap.

Longer than expected…

April 27, 2008 in Journals Sketches & Plans, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects, Quilts and Quilting by Caitlin | 3 comments

Well, now that my host server has decided to WORK again (grrrr!) I can post!

I’ve been crook, obviously. Booked in for another scan next week, and seeing my helpful GP again soon. Got to get this sorted out, arrggggh!

HOWEVER, on Saturday I had the BEST day – went to Brissy with Sue. GIRLY SHOPPING!! Oh man, I’d forgotten how much fun it is to just wander around the shops. I didn’t try on any clothes (there were no fat chick shops) but Sue did, and managed to score some good buys. I had fun just seeing what was “in” in ready-to-wear, and we both grabbed piles of ideas for our sewing – especially from the David Lawrence outlet store – over-runs, samples, and seconds, but still worth checking out.

For example – knit dresses with double faced satin ribbon on the inside of cascading edges and hems – not only helps stabilise the edge, but also means the dress looks really finished inside and out.

There were some really - interesting! samples at the Cue store – things that I’m glad someone said “Ummm, NOT for production!” – and that was also the only store with no mirrors in the dressing rooms, just one big one on the back wall of the store – which I agree with Sue was icky – you kinda wanna know if something looks REALLY dreadful before you have to come out into the glare of the whole store, you know?

We looked at shoes, yum – agreed that the slightly furry leopard print shoes would either

a) have to be petted all. the. time. or

b) be guarded carefully from our dogs….

Brrrrrrrrrrrrring!

The find of the day, however, and one we both REALLY regretted not buying (we didn’t even check the price!) was this handbag. Forgive the bad pics – I took them with my phone and I was so busy laughing that the phone shook! Is this not the absolute muppet-est handbag you’ve ever seen?

Sue and I looked at this and immediately thought of the Yip Yip aliens meeting the telephone on Sesame Street….

Isn’t it FABULOUS!! I would be unable to use it, it would become a puppet that I would have to keep playing with. But I am seriously considering driving back down to Jindalee just to get it…

I tried on lots of hats (Have I mentioned I LOVE hats?) which reinforced my determination to get sewing on some – hats hats hats!

Eventually we were shopped out and headed over to the 2QAQ meeting. LOTS of inspiration from the Reddy Art Quilters, who had brought along their journal quilts and Artist Trading Cards (ATCs); and an ATC swap which got out of hand (some people are GRABBY!) and ended up being inequitable. Grrrrr. Simple rules, you get ONE BACK for each one you put in - Linda should N OT have ended up short!

Thankfully, the wonderful organisers of 2QAQ have said the swap will NOT be a free-for-all next time, to prevent that happening again.

I was really thrilled that Sue’s ATCs were all snatched up, too. Next month I’ll have some done… my small contribution to the economy of Jindalee DFO was to buy two small rubber stamps from Smiggle – an elephant, and a skull and crossbones for Mr Beloved. So my ATCs will certainly feature those!

But right now, I’m off to watch the F1 grand prix. If the weather is warmish this week we’re planning some fabric dyeing; and on Tuesday I’m hoping to be well enough to get to quilters and am taking my Shiva sticks and supplies so we can have a bit of a play.

I get frustrated… and a new dress blog

April 11, 2008 in Health, Mental Health, Other Sewing Projects by Caitlin | 3 comments

I know, BORING, second verse, same as the first… but I REALLY get frustrated by people who criticise internet and tech stuff without even bothering to find out what they’re talking about.  *sigh*

Not a lot else happening here, I’m afraid.  Still haven’t watched the Kemshall’s new DVD; still haven’t finished the brown skirt.

Always stylish... The \"Callum\" slipper by GrosbyI did, however, buy new slippers today – lashed out and bought the real Grosby ones and not the chain store’s cheap knockoff – so they should last all winter.  Yep, elegant whether at home or on the town, that’s your bloggist.  Didn’t you NEED to know that?  Uh huh.

Mr Beloved went on a hunt and destroy mission for the dust buffalo herd under the bed… only one more corner of the room to go, and I’ll tackle that one tomorrow, perhaps.

Move along, nothing to see here….

If you wanna see some REALLY stylish dresses?  GO here.  Swoooony blog from the Met Museum, all about frocks.

Things.

April 9, 2008 in Memes rants and silliness, Mental Health, ageing, rants by Caitlin | 3 comments

1. Why are cheap bracelets/bangles (And even more expensive kits to make same at the bead shops) sized for teeeeeeeeny wrists? My wrist is 7 inches around. No matter what I weigh. My wrists have been this size since I was 12 years old. And not a single !@*&#)(@*! bangle will go around it. (Let’s just ignore for the moment that the vast majority of bangles also won’t go over my hand to get to my wrist).

And for those who say “Well, buy elastic ones” (TACKY!) “or opening ones” – we run straight back into the 7 inches problem. To those fashmagslags who say bangles and baubles are so very IN for winter? :-ppppppppp raspberries…

(I have never had an opportunity to test this – but I bet Cartier and Tiffany make their bangles BIGGER, dammit!)

2. Why does hair go wiry when it turns grey? Isn’t GREY Punishment enough? Must it stick out from my head like alien antennae too?

3. And why couldn’t it be my CHIN HAIRS that are white/grey, huh? How come the chin hairs have full, rich, hair-colorant-commercial-strength colour from root to tip?

4. You really do become invisible to shop assistants after a certain age. I have reached that age.

A note to staff: You are there to serve ME, the customer. Not gossip about “So and so’s boyfriend” or “So and so in accounts”. ME. I pay your wages, dammit!

Or NOT, if I choose to walk out instead of waiting for you to notice me standing with my wallet open waving CASH at you. (Now I know why older women tend to mutter darkly to themselves in shop doorways…)

5. I have now also reached the age when all the police constables look like they’re far too young to be out by themselves after dark.

Please, whatever Deity is listening – as I age, could I please look like this

Lady Diana Riggs - the ONLY Lady Diana for me

rather than this?

Muaaa haaaaa haaaa my pretties!

Why are you bashing your head against that wall, Caity?

April 5, 2008 in Aspergers, Mental Health by Caitlin | 2 comments

I'll just pretend they're not there...Well, I’m totally peopled out and exhausted – had to crash in bed as soon as I got home this arvo. WHY do I talk myself into these situations?

Answer: because I don’t believe you get to whinge about something unless you’re prepared to get in and have a go & make a difference. I suppose I could stop wanting to make things better/different? But indifference does NOT appeal.

I just need better strategies for dealing with people – especially BULLIES. I don’t know what to do with bullies. If I back down I feel – well, bullied – and if I attempt to stand up to them I think I come across as being – ummmm – rude?

I also find it really difficult when other people don’t stay focused and on task – which makes me seem like I’m being pushy. If I’m in a meeting, I want to get the things done that need to be done, get tasks assigned, and get it sorted.

Other people want to share every little experience from years ago that may have related in some minor and peripheral way to the discussion at hand. Or tell me how “We tried it that way once (and therefore we are never going to revisit the issue regardless of what may have changed.”)

My new mantra for such meetings will be “That’s very nice, but how is it relevant?”

Or I could just not go, not be involved, and go back to having no social interaction except online, hmmm?

Hi, I’m Caity, and I’m an ASPIE….
I wish I’d know that years ago – it would have saved me from a lot of “life lessons” … I’m going to go curl up in bed and whimper now.

Viv Stanshall from the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah band said it best:

My pink half of the drainpipe
Separates me from the incredibly fascinating story of your life and every day to day event in all its minute and tedious attention to detail… And was it a Thursday or a Wednesday?  Or, oh, no, it wasn’t though.  Oh,who cares anyway because I do not so Norman, if you’re normal, I intend to be a freak for the rest of my life, and I shall baffle you with cabbages and rhinoceroses in the kitchen and incessant quotations from “Now We Are Six” through the mouthpiece of Lord Snooty’s giant poisoned electric head.
So
theeeeeere………

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