And for those who say “Well, buy elastic ones” (TACKY!) “or opening ones” - we run straight back into the 7 inches problem. To those fashmagslags who say bangles and baubles are so very IN for winter? :-ppppppppp raspberries…

(I have never had an opportunity to test this - but I bet Cartier and Tiffany make their bangles BIGGER, dammit!)

2. Why does hair go wiry when it turns grey? Isn’t GREY Punishment enough? Must it stick out from my head like alien antennae too?

3. And why couldn’t it be my CHIN HAIRS that are white/grey, huh? How come the chin hairs have full, rich, hair-colorant-commercial-strength colour from root to tip?

4. You really do become invisible to shop assistants after a certain age. I have reached that age.

A note to staff: You are there to serve ME, the customer. Not gossip about “So and so’s boyfriend” or “So and so in accounts”. ME. I pay your wages, dammit!

Or NOT, if I choose to walk out instead of waiting for you to notice me standing with my wallet open waving CASH at you. (Now I know why older women tend to mutter darkly to themselves in shop doorways…)

5. I have now also reached the age when all the police constables look like they’re far too young to be out by themselves after dark.

Please, whatever Deity is listening - as I age, could I please look like this

rather than this?