So, tomorrow I’m off to Breast Screen Queensland for a mammogram. Yet another stop on the Super-Fun-Tilt-Your-World ride that is the process of getting OLDER.
(Yes, thanks, I know NOT getting older would be worse. But this is MY blog – go whinge on your own!)
Anyway, the Big Boob Squish™ is happening not because of any particular worries – but because I’m probably having an oestrogen implant when I have the surgery, it’s a good idea to have a baseline mammogram.
Just In Case.
(Sue, if I die, you can have my fabric stash. Not sure if that’s a blessing or a curse!!)
Oh, and the pre-admission check-list phone call from the hospital today raised another FUN!! task to-do: “With your legs together, shave, wax, or you can be shaved here at the hospital.” Um yeah, thanks. “Would you like a catheter?” was another question that didn’t require a whole lotta thought – are you kidding? Wet myself trying to use a pan or have a nice clean tube, what do YOU think!
Yep, welcome to Caityworld, Where Too Much Information Is Barely Enough!™
And in that spirit: This week I will CELEBRATE my LAST PERIOD EVER.
Not normally a cause for celebration – ever since I first got my period I have had a miserable time with it – pain, swelling, bloating, acne, migraines, persistent anaemia, constipation, mood swings, and medicinal consumption of vast quantities of chocolate. I’ve tried every over-the counter “period pain” pill there is; tried altering my diet (but seriously – caffeine deprived Caity is NOT a Happy Fun Sparkly Caity!), exercising to ameliorate the pain, and being on various versions of The Pill.
I have spent waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much money on various products to catch “the flow” (although the best value ones by far are The Keeper or The Diva Cup – highly recommended if you’re comfortable with your body, squicky if you’re not). I have spent hours soaking blood-stained knickers, jeans, skirts and pyjamas in napisan when the various tampons, pads etc failed.
I have not owned white undies in many many years.
When I had only just started getting The Monthly Monster, one month I ended up in hospital with suspected appendicitis. I was in dreadful pain, but then the blood arrived – and all of a sudden I was shoved out of the hospital bed, told to get dressed, and sent home with some incredibly wimpy headache tablets.
WAIT A SECOND!! A moment ago I was being taken seriously about how much pain I was in, but now you reckon I’m fine? THE PAIN HASN’T CHANGED!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!
I remember my Mum being rather excited and thrilled when I got my first ever period. I was embarrassed. She was emotional over her first daughter reaching such a momentous change: I was pissed off by the MESS and the inconvenience.
So after 28+ years of dealing with all this: Yeah, I’m celebrating its loss!! There will be bubbly; there may even be cake. I’m thinking possibly Friday or Saturday lunch or arvo tea, if you’re among my TWB circle and free around then….
In the meantime, just THROW IN THE CHOCOLATE AND NOBODY WILL GET HURT, OKAY?!?!?
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