1. Why are cheap bracelets/bangles (And even more expensive kits to make same at the bead shops) sized for teeeeeeeeny wrists? My wrist is 7 inches around. No matter what I weigh. My wrists have been this size since I was 12 years old. And not a single !@*&#)(@*! bangle will go around it. (Let’s just ignore for the moment that the vast majority of bangles also won’t go over my hand to get to my wrist).

And for those who say “Well, buy elastic ones” (TACKY!) “or opening ones” – we run straight back into the 7 inches problem. To those fashmagslags who say bangles and baubles are so very IN for winter? :-ppppppppp raspberries…

(I have never had an opportunity to test this – but I bet Cartier and Tiffany make their bangles BIGGER, dammit!)

2. Why does hair go wiry when it turns grey? Isn’t GREY Punishment enough? Must it stick out from my head like alien antennae too?

3. And why couldn’t it be my CHIN HAIRS that are white/grey, huh? How come the chin hairs have full, rich, hair-colorant-commercial-strength colour from root to tip?

4. You really do become invisible to shop assistants after a certain age. I have reached that age.

A note to staff: You are there to serve ME, the customer. Not gossip about “So and so’s boyfriend” or “So and so in accounts”. ME. I pay your wages, dammit!

Or NOT, if I choose to walk out instead of waiting for you to notice me standing with my wallet open waving CASH at you. (Now I know why older women tend to mutter darkly to themselves in shop doorways…)

5. I have now also reached the age when all the police constables look like they’re far too young to be out by themselves after dark.

Please, whatever Deity is listening – as I age, could I please look like this

Lady Diana Riggs - the ONLY Lady Diana for me

rather than this?

Muaaa haaaaa haaaa my pretties!

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3 comments

  1. rooruu’s avatar

    It must be Rant Day! I had a corker about an amazing book-shelving idea (see pic on my blog, you’ll love it, being a reader yourself…).

    Have you read Wicked, the fiction version of the Wicked Witch of the West’s story? (basis of v. successful Broadway musical). I have it on order.

    Those girlies with perfume/unguent samples in department stores don’t see me unless it’s an anti-ageing product….at which point I smile, and say, Oh, I’m not old enough yet, thank you; and then swan off.

    How’s the variation to food routine going? Thinking good things for you.

  2. Caitlin’s avatar

    I am laughing so HARD at your post on your blog!

    Yep, I’m a big fan of Gregory Maguire – read Son of a Witch recently, too.

    Ugh, the perfume sprayers – one day I shall keel over dramatically in front of them, having been SLAIN by their revolting scents…. and good on you for the “Not old enough yet!”

    Food thang is going well, thanks! I don’t want to put too much credence on the first weekly weigh-in because it’s not what will happen consistently – but I’ve lost 3 kilos. (53 to go!)

  3. v3.0’s avatar

    Mrs Girl, there is some sense in the Universe.

    As you age and all that stuff you’re currently being so (overly) self-critical about happens, my eyesight is gradually improving, so you still appear beautiful.

    Of course, now you are dwindling in size, I may be forced to paint you Safety Yellow, the better to find you round the house or in public.

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