March 2008

Well, for those who care: It’s scary.

Not quite as scary as having lap band surgery (which is about the only alternative I can see – I just keep getting bloody BIGGER.) With a BMI of 41 point something, I am now classified as “morbidly obese”. (Yes, I know there are problems with the whole concept of BMI: First assume a two dimensional patient….. but even so, as a measure it’s pretty shocking.)

Thinking about doing this program is scary because it costs so much (A LOT. More than you’d think.) I’ll be doing the Lifeshape 12 program.

But that price includes seeing a dietician every week, so at least if things aren’t working we can change tack quickly. (and that’s been a problem in the past: things HAVEN’T worked but there’s been no help to change them.)

Mr Beloved and I had our first meeting with Jeanna the Dietician on Friday and she’s very down to earth and sensible – no airy fairy impossible promises, and together we set a reasonable goal weight to aim for: 80 kgs.

I currently weigh 116.5 kgs. I take a size 22-24 (or 4x to 5x if I buy mens sizes.) – and I’m bigger than a size 26 in the major pattern companies sizing. Bigger than a 52 in Burda patterns.

(Let’s face it, I’m not 21 – I’m unlikely to ever be a size 10 and weigh under 65 kgs ever again.)

At 80kgs I can wear size 16 clothes, which would give me a MUCH greater choice and be heaps cheaper than trying to buy stuff to fit me as a size *mumblety*. (Fat chick clothes are at least twice the price, and not because they have twice the fabric or sewing involved – but because retailers and consumers both seem to think it’s ok to PUNISH you for being fat.)

It’s also scary because for the first time I’ll be completely under someone else’s control with what I consume (for at least the first 4 -7 weeks) .

But that’s good because at the moment my eating is so weird and out of control, I need SOMETHING to break the cycle. I reckon it’s much easier to stop habits that aren’t necessary, like say, smoking – but I haven’t found a way to give up EATING , you know?

This should be like pushing the big red re-set button on my computer. Then we gradually go back to ordinary food – just with better portion sizes and choices.

And I feel confident about doing this because it IS medically supervised – lots of tests, medical check-ups, and psych appointments etc. They’ll actually take into account the things that are an issue for me – the poly-cystic ovary stuff, the medications that make ANYBODY gain weight, the injuries I need to work around. And as we re-introduce real food, we’ll be checking for allergies and intolerances – so that has to help.

I’ve got to find out if the health insurance I pay through the nose for is going to cover any of it (if it does, it’s unlikely to be much) but luckily Mum and Dad have generously offered to pay the bulk of it. It’s cheaper than having me in hospital, I guess… and just the price difference in clothes will just about cover the costs if you look at the next 10 years!

Mr Beloved won’t be doing the official program – but is being incredibly supportive about cooking and exercising with me. I think he finds my overeating really hard to deal with, feels like he can’t say anything about it – so I’m hoping by breaking the bad habits he’ll be happier with me too.

In the past when contemplating something as huge and scary as this, I’d probably go on a massive binge before the start date. So far that hasn’t happened and I’m feeling pretty much in control – or at least I was until I saw that photo taken of me at quilters yesterday – YUK! So there’s no more chocolate in the house. (The dietician did say she understood about period chocolate, but mentioned that most of the satisfaction you derive from food happens in the first three mouthfuls. So there is room for cake and chocolate – but in smaller portions and at better times. Phew!)

My medical is scheduled for March 26, and staring the program on April 2. I’d like to do it sooner, but with sorting out the financial stuff and getting the day-surgery thing out of the way, that was when I could start.

Tomorrow: Throwing out the worst of the saggy baggy OLD stretched out clothes – I won’t be buying or sewing many new ones just yet, but there is a lot of emotional baggage and clutter that I’m ready to lose.